Fear of flying
by nyte-nurs
Summary: A little bit of Prentiss/Hotch angsty fluff, added some Morgan in the latest chapter.  Rated T for case content.
1. Chapter 1

Criminal minds - Fear of flying.

**disclaimer - I own nothing, no profit made.**

As the team filled onto the plane Aaron Hotchner observed them without even being aware he was doing it. He sensed their mood was somber, the case they were flying to involved alleged child abuse that in some cases was years old so it was no less than he expected. Emily Prentiss drew his eye as she sat, she seemed more affected than the others, she appeared tired and uncomfortable with her herself, she was fidgeting in her seat, her head was lowered and she kept touching her neck then lowering her hands to the side of her seat.

"Emily?" he waited until she gave him eye contact then lowered his voice before he continued, "Are you OK to be traveling with us today?"

She raised an eye brow back at him but the sharp response he expected did not come, "ummm, yeah, I just... just feeling a little ... off? Today."

He nodded his understanding, though obviously he couldn't draw any understanding from her brief response.

"I'll be fine by the time we get there i'm sure, maybe I just need more coffee!" she looked uncomfortable with her own joke, cleared her throat and sank back into her seat.

He watched her more closely during take-off but was forced to abandon his sideline in 'Emily watching' to continue updating on the case they were flying to.

"The man we have been asked in to profile is in his late 40's. He is a serial child abuser who has graduated to murder. We know his name, we have his picture so we're not being asked to identify this guy, we are going in to develop a profile to try to determine where this guy has gone when he's gone to ground. He has targeted single mothers with 10 to 13 year old daughters to enter into a relationship specifically with the intention of abusing the daughter, once she is of consensual age he moves on. We know that he is an alcohol abuser though in the beginning of the relationship he controls his intake and later spirals when the pressures of maintaining a false relationship to keep access to his victim bite. Its likely he physically abuses the mothers from an early stage but we don't have this confirmed. Prentiss and Morgan we have several surviving abuse victims I'd like you two to handle that. Rossi and Reid talk to the employer we know about and find any we don't. Garcia we need this guy's finances inside and out." Hotchner waited for the acknowledging nods from his team then distributed the files they needed to be familiar with by the time they landed.

He resumed his seat opposite Emily Prentiss as she began reading the first file, though he was meant to be reading the overall briefing from the local PD he kept glancing up at her, he vaguely wondered if she was aware he was doing it. She shuffled around in her seat again, took in a deep breath and blew it out while placing the file she was reading on the table between them and then resumed her reading.

She cleared her throat, "Wow, there isn't much this guy didn't do to this girl, started off exposing himself to her, then sexual touching then forced her to perform just about every sex act you can imagine over the next year. Except sodomy. He earned her trust, normalized some of his behavior, made it everyday so she didn't realize his demands were escalating, so she didn't have one horrific event to report, made her doubt it was abuse at all, had she consented in the beginning and could she really stop him now."

Hotchner nodded his agreement, "He completely dominates both of them, destroys their relationship with each other so they're both afraid to break free from him."

Prentiss raised her eyebrows, "But still, the file indicates the mothers suspected abuse, what sort of mother-" she stopped abruptly in her tracks, her expression switching to one of near panic as she fumbled with her seat belt, "shit!"

"What? You OK?" he responded alarm as she sprung out her seat finally free.

"No! I'm gonna throw up!" her words swept passed him as she bolted for the tiny bathroom. Her sentence was punctuated by her violent retching as she failed to get the door closed behind her and the whole team was treated to the sound effects accompanying her loosing her breakfast.

The rest of the team exchanged looks varying from amusement to alarm, Morgan helpfully called out "Hey Princess take more water with it tomorrow night hey?"

Hotchner shot him a look, he knew when Prentiss was hung over and she wasn't shy in saying so when she was. Morgan shrugged in silent reply. Deciding an audience wouldn't help anything he slipped out of his own seat and made his way to the bathroom at the rear of the plane, sliding the folding door across behind him. It was only after he did this he realised how it might have looked and regretted it but decided against backtracking and re=opening the door. He was simply concerned for a subordinate and didn't think a room full of co-workers hearing you at your worst would help anyone.

When he poked his head around the tight corner he found Prentiss sitting on the floor of the bathroom, one arm lay slumped across the toilet seat as she sat with her back against the wall and her head tilted back with her eyes closed.

"Hey." he said gently as he crouched down beside her and placed a hand gently on her shoulder.

Her face creased in an grimace of embarrassment, "Sorry." she whispered without opening her eyes.

"Sssshhhh, it's ok, you're sick you should be home resting." he reached up for a paper towel and dampened it before gently pressing it against her forehead, "is this ok?"

She nodded before gingerly opening her eyes, they were flat and exhausted, he wondered about making her go home, exactly how do you send a sick employee home when you're in the middle of a 3 hour flight to a new case?

Abruptly she pushed him away and lunged for the toilet again, he slid his hand onto her back as she dry heaved. "Oh good, nothing left." she panted.

He smiled grimly back as she returned to his eye line and handed her a tissue. She took it ruefully, "Well, I can cross that embarrassing incident off my list, get sick in front of my boss, done."

He realised his hand still rested at the bottom of her back and she'd lent back on it, he wasn't sure how to get it out, or if she realised it was there. "Be careful someone might try to top you and get sick ON the boss." he told her, "when you're ready you should go lay down on the couch. Maybe if you sleep the rest of the flight you'll feel better when we land?"

"I'm not hung over Hotch." she asserted.

He nodded his affirmation once, "I know, and I wouldn't have come in here to check on you if I thought you were."

With a nod she shakily pulled herself to her feet, using the wall for support until her head readjusted. She straightened her clothes and hair, made a despairing face at her reflection, then followed Hotchner out back to the cabin. She would have quite liked an umbrella or something in front of her to shield from her colleagues concerned glances as she reentered. With a wan smile she made her way passed them to the couch and sat on the edge feeling awkward. It was one thing to crash out on the flight home after a 10 day 24/7 case but another the deliberately laying down for a nap on the journey out. Morgan approached her and placed a hand firmly on her shoulder.

"You look like hell, I'll get through the files, take a break until we land if you can."

She nodded her agreement and lay on her side facing her colleagues. As soon as she lay down she felt the tension ease from her limbs and she became aware of the bone-deep tiredness which took the place of the tightness she had felt. She closed her eyes and sighed feeling her limbs ache she decided she definately had flu or something, maybe food poisoning? If so she only had herself to blame though she couldn't work out how having had only toast all day yesterday and only water that morning. Her thoughts became foggy and she had a hard time distinguishing whether she was falling asleep or passing out, she decided eventually that she didn't care and gave in to the descending darkness, the last thing she was vaguely aware of was someone placing a blanket over her and lingering their hand on her shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

Fear of flying - chapter 2.

Thanks for the reviews & comments! I only write when I have something I consider worth putting down and am bad at finishing stories BUT I actually do have an ending in mind for this one so stay tuned! However I'm a mum of 3, wife and nurse in a busy hospice so don't expect break-neck speed!

**Disclaimer - I don't own anything, no infringement intended, no profit made.**

As Emily stirred awake she realised she had been very fast asleep. She was now flat out across the sofa with a blanket tucked around her and had no idea who had put it there.

"Emily?" she heard her name again and her eyes spring open with the sickening realization of where she was. God, had she been snoring? Drooling? She'd never live it down. She bolted upright making the room spin.

"Not too fast, you'll make yourself-"

"light-headed? Yeah got it." she said pressing her fingers to her forehead then rethinking it when she saw his concerned stare. She took her hand away and forced a smile onto her face "We landed?"

Hotch nodded as he handed her a bottle of water, "You should try to drink something."

She nodded her acceptance and took it from him eyeing it warily before opening it and taking a few mouthfuls, "Thanks," she said pushing herself up to stand, "we should catch up?" she looked at him questioningly as as he placed his hand against her arm to keep her from moving any further past him, "Hotch? What-"

He stepped back from her a little and she sat back down to let him speak, mentally booking her ticket home, there could be no other reason to speak to her apart from the team except that he was going to ask her to go back to DC.

"We.., um, Emily..we" he glanced furtively over his shoulder, sighed and tried again, "a couple of weeks ago, we.. well we weren't exactly careful..." he let his words drop off and they hung in the air between them.

She raised her eyebrows and smiled in amusement, which was obviously the last thing he had expected as his brow furrowed in response, "Hotch, I hope you're not offended. I'm not pregnant, I used emergency contraception, and I got my period since then if you really want the details Hotch?" she took a minute to gauge his squirming reaction, "Look, I would love to be pregnant BUT a one night stand with my boss is not the way I ever plan on doing that OK? By the way the contraception made me throw up, you can have credit for that one alright?"

Hotch laughed despite himself then sat down opposite her, "A one night stand, is that what you think that was?"

She shrugged her shoulders in response, "What would you call it? We slept together, a month ago, we haven't spoken about it, repeated it or gone on a date in that time. I'm pretty sure that's what I class as a one night stand."

She stood, suddenly feeling irritated despite the fact she had promised herself she wouldn't be whenever the conversation did arise. She stepped back toward the door when he stood to meet her eye level.

"I never intended it to be Emily, I'm not that type of person and I never wanted to be that way with you."

She let silence sit between them for a moment then answered, "Maybe that's just what it needs to be to keep the team going as it is. We should go join them."

She turned on her heel and headed for the door before he could add anything else. Being angry at him felt great for a moment and took her mind off how crappy she felt but as she stormed toward the rest of the team as they waited by the SUV's she knew it wouldn't last long.

Morgan greeted her first, "He didn't try to send you home?"

She raised an eyebrow and faked a smile, taking a swig of water, "He tried."

Morgan smiled and nodded his understanding, "You OK?"

Prentiss tilted her head before replying, "I'll live. How long's the drive out?"

"About an hour and forty five." Hotchner answered from behind her. She turned to acknowledge his answer then continued onto the front passenger seat of the closest SUV. Hotch followed her and slid into the drivers side and she fleetingly wondered if he was going to try to talk some more, she wasn't in the mood for it and was relieved to see Morgan stride into the back seat leaving Reid, Rossi and Garcia to share the remaining vehicle.

What Prentiss felt to be an uneasy silence settled over the car as they began to drive. Morgan began reading through a file from the stack which sat next to him.

"Do you want a file Prentiss?" he offered.

She shook her head, "No, sorry I can't read in the car it makes me sick, well sick-er." she laughed lightly, "I'm OK though, we can discuss whats in them. How many victims have been identified so far?"

Morgan flicked through a couple of pages and back then responded, "Confirmed three, but local law enforcement know of two more relationships over the ten year period they looked at. Seems like an average of two years for each victim. Some were longer, some less. He's specific in ending the relationship with the mother when the daughter is around fifteen. All apart from one case."

"Oh yeah? Whats different about this one?"

He read from the notes in front of him before replying. "It's the first case, chronologically, we have on record but the family never reported it. The daughter had a child and gave her up for adoption. It was only years later she claimed our UN-SUB was the father, she was just short of sixteen when she gave the baby away and had refused to reveal the father's identity at the time."

Prentiss considered this for a while then responded, "Not surprising surely if she is afraid her mother will consider the sex consensual?"

Morgan nodded thoughtfully but couldn't agree or disagree, he read on in the file, "This girl believes the abuse began at a very specific point, she walked in on him in the shower and following this mom and boyfriend sat down with her and basically asked her to agree to it being OK if he didn't lock the bathroom or bedroom door and if she occasionally, accidentally sees him naked."

Prentiss turned to face him, "She feels her mother was complicit in the beginning of the abuse?" she waited for him to nod a response, "That's a very clever way for this guy to operate, make your targets feel separated and you're free to victimize them as you choose."

Morgan nodded back at her, "I have a hard time believing that would really be his first victim, or victims, it feels too refined." he waited for Prentiss to answer but when none was forthcoming he continued anyway, "I wonder about this guy's family life. Maybe he learned his craft by example, seeing his father behave in a similar way."

Prentiss nodded and took a quick swig of water.

"You OK? Kinda quiet in the front there." Morgan commented.

She nodded quickly, "Yeah...just a little...you know..." she cleared her throat and took another mouthful of water.

Hotchner glanced in her direction then back at the road, "Do you need me to stop?"

She shrugged again, "I don't think so," she paused clearly rethinking her answer, "actually I'm sorry, yes."

Hotchner pulled the SUV to a stop by the side of the road as Prentiss shot out. She half walked half stumbled a few paces away from them before she grabbed her hair out of face with one hand and braced herself against a fence with the other as she doubled over to allow her stomach to empty it's self once again.

"I'll go check on her." Morgan volunteered, reaching for the door handle.

"OK, just don't expect a lot of thanks." Hotch responded with a raised eyebrow in the mirror.

Morgan grunted, "Never do boss." He followed Prentiss's path until he was behind her then laid a hand gently on her back, "It's ok, just keep your head down."

She retched and coughed again, "God, sorry." But she couldn't quite finish as a new wave of retching took her over.

"Hey, it's OK, just try some deep breaths." he fumbled in a pocket eventually coming up with a pack of tissues and handed her one.

Letting go of her hair she took it from him and wiped her streaming eyes first before her lips, "Thanks." she whispered, unsure yet whether she could allow herself to straighten up.

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Throwing up? Just today." she whispered.

He noted her choice of words, "But you've felt sick before?"

She shrugged as well as she could in her hunched position, "Yeah maybe the last week or so, not like this though."

"There's no chance you could be pregnant?" Morgan was no non-sense in his approach today it seemed.

She sighed, "What is it with the interest in my cycle today! No it is not likely that I'm pregnant Morgan and please keep that opinion to yourself."

"Not likely, or not possible Emily?"

She lowered her voice to a dangerous tone rather than yell which is what she wanted to do but didn't want Hotch to overhear, "You really want the details? OK, I last slept with someone about five weeks ago, we didn't use protection, I used emergency contraception and threw up for a whole day, it was fun. I got my period two weeks ago so I know I'm not pregnant Morgan, OK?"

He allowed silence to sit between them for a minute then responded, "Did you read the packet on those pills Emily?"

"What?"

"If you throw up, you have to take them again." he stated flatly.

She snapped up quicker than she intended and Morgan saw whatever colour might have remained drain from her face and he wondered quite how she was able to remain standing in front of him at that moment.

"What?" she repeated, glancing anxiously at the car. Hotch was reading something on his phone, or pretending to.

Morgan leaned closer to her and placed his hand on her arm, "Emily, you could still be pregnant, you need to take a test."

She felt numb from head to toe. He was right. She'd been feeling nauseous for a week or more, tired right down to her bones, cold when everyone else was hot and hot when everyone else was cold. She hadn't been able to string together why because she didn't think it was possible but she just knew that she didn't really feel ill, or just tired, or run down at all. What she actually felt was quite familiar, she felt pregnant.

Emily nodded blindly and allowed Morgan to lead her back to the car. Sliding back into the seat beside Hotchner she couldn't meet his eye and was pleased when he held his silence. She fixed her gaze out of the side window as the three of them held their silence and began the journey again. The case they were traveling to had suddenly fallen out of her consciousness and she was consumed with the need to know. She wondered if she could swing her and Morgan splitting off so she could use five minutes to find a drug store. She was desperate to get a test in her hands, and she was almost certain what she'd see on it.


	3. Chapter 3

Fear of flying - chapter 3.

Thanks for the follow & encouragement I have this chapter and the next mapped out so shouldn't be too long between! Thanks for reading.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing no infringement intended and no profit made.**

The remaining hour of their journey passed in near silence. By the time they arrived Prentiss felt shaky and frantic and was as desperate to break away from the team as she was to conceal her desperation. She tried to give the appearance of listening while Hotchner told each part of the team where they would be working from. She attempted not to grimace when he relayed she and Morgan would be conducting family interviews in the local police precinct, there was no way she'd be able to slip away. She felt instantly guilty for considering it, the families relied on them to be committed to the cases they worked on, she was planning to escape before she'd even started. Looking up from her fixed stare at her boots she realized Morgan was trying to catch her eye. He starred at her with meaning, she returned his gaze without knowing what the meaning in it was.

Abruptly Morgan cleared his throat, "Hotch, the family interviews are scheduled to start in the morning. Its four thirty why don't Prentiss and I head to the local adoption office see if we can get the details on the baby from the first case, that might give us a head start with that interview tomorrow."

Hotchner nodded his approval, "Good, then you can go ahead and check into the motel and make sure they hold the rooms for us."

"You up for that Prentiss?" Morgan starred pointedly at her.

Realizing she was stood with a slack-jawed expression she straightened herself up and nodded, "Sure." but she was unable to keep the confusion from her voice and gave him a questioning look.

Morgan opened the passenger door for her with a flourish of showmanship, "What are you doing?" she mouthed as he ushered her in.

"Trust me princess, I got your back." he smiled as he shut her inside and headed to the back of the SUV to hand Hotchner his bag from the trunk of the car. Morgan watched him walk back to the group without glancing back then pulled himself into the drivers seat of the SUV.

He started the ignition without hesitation and quickly pulled away, "How you feeling?"

Prentiss shot him a look but didn't reply,

"There's a pharmacy about twenty minutes outside town, do you want to head out there?" he continued ignoring a fairly hostile stare.

"Hotch is expecting us to go to the adoption office, which closes at 5, like most things, we don't have time." she intoned.

"I got that covered, if you want to know. If you don't that's fine."

"What do you mean, you've got it covered?"

"I was thinking of waiting fifteen minutes or so, then calling Hotch and telling him I'm sick too and we are going to check in at the hotel and quarantine ourselves until the morning so the rest of the team don't get sick."

She laughed in spite of herself, "Man you are sneaky, Morgan! And then what you hang out with me all night, I don't think you want to do that."

Morgan shrugged in response, "I want to make sure you're OK. Either way." he added with a meaningful glance, "We're doubling up on rooms anyway, so I'd rather share with you than Reid."

"Even with the throwing up?"

"Hey, if you're really lucky I might even hold your hair baby!" he laughed.

She nodded and he took this to be her consent to proceed and switched route at the next junction.

"Morgan, I'm sorry I dragged you into this." she said quietly.

He took a hand off the steering wheel and placed it on her arm, "Hey, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. This team is my family, you are part of my family. And, wow, maybe my family's going to grow. That's pretty exciting, right? You know that everyone would be here if they could."

She stiffened noticeably, "I don't want that."

Morgan nodded, "I get it, you're a private person Emily. Whatever happens, whatever you say, do, you can count on confidentiality."

"Thank you." she replied.

"But.." he said withdrawing his hand back to the steering wheel.

"But?" she asked alarmed.

"Is there anyone you want me to call? Anyone I _should_ call?"

She shook her head violently, "No, I mean it Derek, NO."

"Ok, ok, I'm not digging, just asking. I'm gonna be here for you, BUT, I'm second best Emily, there is someone else involved in this situation, maybe you'd rather they were here for this."

"It's complicated, he...has a lot going on. He didn't sign up to.." she searched for an appropriate phrase, "erm.. hold my hair back?" she smiled faintly.

"He's in a relationship?" he guessed.

"Its not that straight forward, Morgan, I really can't talk about him now, OK?"

"Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to dig, just checking." he nodded ahead of then, "We're here."

Prentiss inhaled sharply and straightened up in her seat feeling her heart rate jump suddenly. She felt sick again but knew it was plain panic and nothing physical this time. As Morgan pulled the car to a stop she reached down to release her seat belt and found herself fumbling around unable to do it.

"Dammit." she muttered to herself.

"Hey, it's OK." Morgan reached down and took her hand, her skin was cold to his touch.

Under his gaze she felt tears prick her eyes and she pulled her hand from his to wipe them away She blew out a long quivering breath, "Sorry, I just... just want to know, you know?"

He nodded, released her seatbelt for her and took out his cell phone nodding toward the pharmacy in front of them, "Go ahead, I have a phone call to make."

"Thank you." she said as she opened the car door. Bracing herself she stepped out onto the gravel of the car park and headed to the brightly lit pharmacy. She glanced around to check for cars she recognized then scolded herself for behaving like a naughty school girl. She wasn't fifteen years old anymore and she was perfectly entitled to buy a pregnancy test like anyone else.

It took her only a few seconds to locate the appropriate aisle, she toyed with the idea of walking passed it a few times to appear casual but in the end she couldn't. She was faced with a confusing array of types, brands, colours, shapes and sizes and settled on an expensive brand that had two in the pack. Hopefully price meant accuracy and if not she could repeat it without making this journey again.

She placed her selected box on the counter and paid with her bank card, all without meeting the cashiers gaze. She hastily grabbed the packet off the counter and placed it in her pocket to head back to Morgan waiting in the car.

She was surprised to see him leaning against the passenger side door waiting for her. He tilted his head in silent questioning,

"Got it." she replied knowing what his question was.

"The heater's on, get warm for a minute I need a couple of things." she starred after him questioningly but got in as instructed and he was soon back beside her throwing a bag into the back seat. Before he closed his door he retrieved a bottle of soda from the bag in the back seat, shook it violently then opened it hanging out the door allowing it to spray onto the gravel below them.

"What-?" was all Prentiss could manage as she starred at him open mouthed.

He wiped off the bottle then handed it to her, "You're dehydrated, that's why you're cold. Flat soda is the best way to replace fluids and electrolytes you loose by throwing up."

She continued to stare at him, "How do you know so much about it?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, "That is most certainly a conversation for another day."

Prentiss nodded and raised a hand to cover her nose and mouth, "Can you turn the heat off though? Its stuffy its making the nausea worse."

He did as instructed with a curt nod as he pulled out of the car park and followed the sat-nav's directions to their motel rooms.

While Morgan checked in and reserved rooms for the rest of the team Prentiss fumbled with getting hers and Morgans bags out of the car and into the dull twin room they'd be sharing for the duration of this trip, however long it may be. Once she'd done that she read the instructions on the ominous blue and white box she's just purchased, possibly the most expensive piece of plastic she'd ever come across in her life. She read and re-read until she was cross eyed, then sat on the bed with her back against the headboard and her knees tucked up to her chin and watched the door. She wondered at how certain situations could regress you so instantly. She was a 'strong independent woman' as self-help peddlers are so fond of asserting and yet in this moment she didn't feel so different to the way she'd felt as a fifteen year old girl. Scared, alone and like she was about to jump out of a plane without a parachute.


	4. Chapter 4

Fear of flying - chapter 4

Very quick instalment before I head off to 6 nightshifts where I won't be writing anything except patient notes!

**Disclaimer - I own nothing, no infringement intended, no profits made.**

When Morgan entered the room he found Prentiss starring at the bedcover she was sitting on.

"Did you do it?" he asked clicking the door closed behind him. He saw her shake her head in response and slipped around her to retrieve the packaged box on the nightstand beside her. Sitting in front of her he removed it from the bag and placed the box in her hand. "Go." he nodded toward the bathroom.

She rose mechanically and locked the door behind her. Morgan could hear her struggling with the packaging and few choice words as he checked his e-mail on phone. Mostly spam he tossed the phone onto his bed and placed his bag on the foot of the bed. He pretended he was looking through it when he knew he was waiting for Prentiss to reemerge. A few minutes later she did. She tossed the offending blue and white stick onto her bed then turned her back on him and it as if it might somehow affect the result. He watched her for a few moments, unsure of what to do.

"How long do you have to wait?" he asked.

Prentiss turned back toward him, chewing her lip she replied, "Three minutes." she turned her back on him again, placing her hands flat against the dresser and bowing her head she sighed deeply, "My hearts racing, I can hear it in my ears."

Morgan laughed slightly in-spite of himself and was surprised when Prentiss didn't throw something at his head, "You Emily Prentiss have faced down some of the scariest sons-of-bitches on the face of this earth, you are not afraid of a little plastic stick."

She shook her head, "I'm serious...I can hardly breathe."

Morgan furrowed his brow in confusion and concern as he rounded the bed which stood between them. He could see her effort from behind her and took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. She transferred her hands to his shoulders and leaned her weight into him. He leaned down to look into her face, "Emily, you're having a panic attack."

She shook her head vehemently and raised her head to meet his eyes, "I.. do NOT.. have panic attacks."

Morgan raised his hands in a surrender gesture then steered her back toward the bed, pushing her down by the shoulders, "Whatever, sit, put your head down and take some slow deep breaths."

She shot him another dissatisfied look but did as instructed. Again he sat next to her and deftly moved the pregnancy test to one side and out of her sight for a minute to allow her to regain some composure without it starring her in the face. He watched as she brought her breathing under control and tried to push down feelings of uselessness. Morgan corrected his own thoughts, he was doing everything he could, it was the guy who had helped to put her in this situation that was truly useless. Or careless. Or both. He felt angry at the thought of someone giving his friend the runaround and leaving her with this to deal with on her own. He couldn't help but feel a little responsible, maybe he shouldn't have asked the question and opened that door for her. But what if he hadn't? She might have come to the same conclusion herself and not felt able to speak to anyone while they were out here. Then she really would have been alone.

Suddenly he was aware of a subtle alarm sounding, Prentiss turned her wrist over and silenced the alarm she had set. She made no move to retrieve the test stick and continued examining her hands. Morgan reached over for the plastic stick ensuring that he covered the results window so neither he nor Prentiss could see it. He reached for her hand and held it in his for a moment before slipping the test into it, leaving his hand covering the window.

"When you're ready, and not before, OK?" he said softly.

She nodded and took a breath before pulling the stick out into her view. Morgan heard her hitch in a breath as they both ready the word clearly displayed there "PREGNANT". The display quickly obscured as tears ran silently from Emily's face and landed on the stick and on their hands as they sat silently.


	5. Chapter 5

Fear of flying - chapter 5

Downloaded an office app for my phone so I can continue writing on my nightshift breaks. Albeit at a slower rate!

**No infringement intended, no profit made. **

As Prentiss starred at the now obscured word in her hand she felt numbness descend on her like a cloud. Her head felt foggy, thick and slow, she wasn't sure she could move her hand anymore it didnt feel like her own. She was hardly aware of where she was, her surroundings had become a veil of nothingness.

"what are you thinking?" Morgans words sounded distant.

"nothing." she heard her own voice but was not really aware she had spoken. She felt like she was inside a bubble and everything around her was distant, quiet, less than real.

Her mind drifted back, it had been 25 years but she still remembered the crippling disbelief which had gripped her when she found herself pregnant at the age of 15. She remembered the enclosed feeling then too but it was close, suffocating like she carried something that was about to spill the secrets she had kept out without warning. She had been afraid to speak to anyone in case the words slipped out, the phrase "I'm pregnant" had become so jammed in her mind she couldn't believe it had never found it's way to her lips.

"Emily?" Morgans voice was soft but it made her realise how close he was to her and she felt the sudden urge to flee. From his gentle support, from this room, this town, this whole situation. Except she had not a thought on where she would go. Settling for an increase in personal space she shifted back so she was propped against the head board again facing Morgan giving him the concession of being able to read her expression. He shifted slightly away from her, clearly seeing her wish for a little extra space either subconsciously or not. Either way she was grateful. She raised a hand to her face and wiped the last of her tears, not her trademark she vowed to try not to shed anymore. Resting her fingers in her lips she tried to give Morgan a reassuring smile but knew that she'd failed.

"So," he said with a raised eyebrow, "you've had a bit of a day Agent Prentiss. What would you normally do?"

"You have to ask?" she tilted her head as they answered simultaneously, "DRINK! Yeah that's not the best answer here."

She watched his reaction seeing him wonder if her statement somehow signalled her feelings about the pregnancy.

"Yeah to get drunk you have to be able to keep it down anyway." he supplied.

Prentiss snorted, a faint but more genuine smile touched her lips. "I'm sorry Derek, I shouldn't have asked you to lie for me, brought you into this, I've put you in an awkward situation."

He shook his head, "You didn't ask, I want to be here for you. I'm sorry I'm not JJ or someone who you feel you can talk to about everything, or that I don't really know what to say to help you."

She was surprised by what he'd said, "Why JJ?"

"She's a girl, she's been pregnant unexpectedly, I'm just a guy, probably not so different from the guy who.."he gestured toward her awkwardly, "contributed? ...to this."

_Less different and less distant than you might think. _She thought to herself_. "_You don't need to help me. This surely is something I need to sort out myself."

She watched his eyebrows raise, "Sort out?"

She realised the inference he had drawn, "No thats not what I meant." she lowered her head in an attempt to hold back more tears, "Derek," she paused as she struggled to maintain her composure, "I'm 41, do you know how much that affects the chances of having a baby at the end of this? Much less a healthy one? I already had some bleeding, I don't know that it isn't over already. I'm not in a relationship, not close to my family, I love my job but it's fairly risky to your health."

Morgan lent back slightly to absorb what she had said, "I can't help you with the relationship or family, or job, but I can reassure you that I'm fairly sure that if you weren't still pregnant THAT," he motioned to the test stick which now lay on the floor, "wouldn't have come up positive today, and, you wouldn't be feeling so sick."

"So it's reassuring to feel like hell." she laughed.

"Not much fun though." he picked up the bottle of soda and made a disapproving face when he saw she'd drunk only around 100mls, "That's less than a cup of coffee, drink, then we're taking a road trip."

Prentiss fingered the bottle but didn't put it to her lips, "Road trip? Aren't we meant to be in quarantine?"

He waited until she took a drink, "Yes, a trip entirely in keeping with general sickness."

She shook her head, "I don't-"

"You're not meant to, it's a surprise."

Prentiss narrowed her eyes, "I hate surprises."

"Well, get used to them, once the dust settles you'll know how great _this _surprise is going to be." he said handing her the discarded test stick.

She turned the stick over in her hands, chiding herself as more tears threatened. She unfurled herself from the defensive position she had adopted and sat up ready to leave.

Derek halted her before she could rise, "Take it easy," he reminded, "listen, last time I'll ask, are you sure you don't want to contact him now? The earlier he's involved the earlier you know where he stands."

She stood opposite him and chewed her lip attempting to form a response that circumvented her instinctual snap-back, "I don't want to distract him. We're not involved, I want to work out where I stand first. Not what I'm going to do about the pregnancy, I know that, just if everythings ok, work, things like that. And somewhere in there we have a case, Morgan, I need to straighten out my head before the morning. I've never brought my personal life into a case, I don't want to be a distraction for everyone now."

As the words left her mouth she realised her mistake and watched Morgans face as she was sure he caught it.

"Distraction? You used the same word talking about the guy-"

"Morgan-" she warned him.

He pursed his lips and took hold of her upper arms gently looking into her face, "He's on the team." it was not a question.

She twisted away from his gaze, but couldn't bring herself to push him away completely.

"Emily, it's not my business, I'm sorry, I guess I broke the moratorium on inter-team profiling. I feel pretty strongly about kids and fathers presence, you know? I let it sway me. Just let me say that none of the guys on the team feel any differently, but I'm not going to ask anymore questions."

Prentiss cleared her throat and looked back into his face, "Hotch." she croaked out.

"What?" he said in surprise.

"I know how he feels because he already IS a father, it's Hotch."


	6. Chapter 6

Fear of flying - chapter 6

**Disclaimer-I own nothing, no infringement intended, no profit made.**

Prentiss glanced warily at Morgan as he drove them toward their surprise destination. Although she was grateful for Morgan's silence on her revelation his overall silence was exponentially increasing her stress levels. What must be going through his head? What an idiot she was to sleep with her boss? How stupid not to read the instructions on contraceptives? A total moron for needing a male friend to suggest she might be pregnant? Not to mention his revulsion at all her tears, throwing up and being trapped with an anxious pregnant woman overnight. She suddenly wished when she'd woken up feeling sick again this morning she had called in and never boarded the plane.

"Derek, I shouldn't have said anything. I've put you in an impossible position. Telling you about Hotch was unfair and more about me needing to offload. Now you have all this stuff in your head. I've been stupid I just need a little time to smooth things over." she bit down on her lip waiting for him to respond.

"It takes two Emily, and you are not stupid. And I'm not going to interfere."

She tilted her head as they pulled into a parking lot in front of what looked like a medical centre, "Except for right now with your magical mystery tour?"

He turned off the ignition and faced her, "What was your biggest concern when you saw you were pregnant?"

"That I might vomit on a hotel floor?" she joked.

Morgans face remained deadpan in response.

The smile slipped off her face, she looked down and avoided his eyes, "That something would be wrong and I'll loose this baby." her words came out at barely more than a whisper.

"Right." Morgans tone was soft, "maybe they can give you some reassurance. You'll go crazy waiting to see an OB when we get back to DC."

She looked dubiously at the doors through the windscreen.

"Come on." he exited the car and waited for her to follow him. He came along side her and rested his hand on her back to let her know he was there and he wasn't letting her turn around.

Morgan felt her hesitation as the doors swished open infront of them and continued to propel them forward. At the reception desk he took the lead and allowed her to stand behind him.

"Excuse me." he addressed the receptionist behind the desk, "We're in town for a few days, my friend is pregnant and she needs to see a doctor."

The receptionist raised a skeptical brow, "She's not registered with this practice?" Morgan gave a slight shake of the head, "The hospital is down the road then."

Morgan placed his best winning smile on his face, "You can't make an exception? We'll pay, no insurance paperwork, please? She's anxious, I don't want to have to sit in an ER with her for hours."

The receptionist rolled her eyes, "That's new an anxious pregnant lady. I'll see what I can do, take a seat." she sighed at him and motioned to the chairs opposite.

As they sat Prentiss glanced at the proximity of the glass doors.

"Planning your escape?" Morgan asked.

"Actually I was concerned about someone seeing us in here."

Morgan nodded, "This is more important than that."

She nodded thankful for the reminder that she was allowing her secretive nature and anxieties take over.

They both watched a tall middle aged man approach them following the receptionists gestures, Emily felt her stomach flip in anxiety and she stood shakily to meet him.

"Do you want to come through?" the man nodded to the nearest examination room, "Your partner can come too."

Emily begged Morgan to come with her with a look and he followed reluctantly.

The doctor waited for them to enter then closed the door behind them. He gestured to the examination table but Emily stood by it rather than sit on it.

"I'm Dr Waterford, the practice OB-GYN. You asked to see a doctor?"

Emily nodded nervously, "I..umm... found out today that I'm pregnant but I had some bleeding around 2 weeks ago."

He nodded, "OK, so when was your last period?"

She noted Morgan remained cool under fire as she answered, "I thought two weeks ago, but I guess five weeks before that?"

He nodded, "OK that puts you at six to seven weeks. I want to do some blood tests and we'll try for a scan but it may be too early without an internal scan."

Prentiss knew without looking that Morgans face matched her alarmed expression.

The doctor raised his hands in reassurance, "I wouldn't normally perform an internal scan after bleedings settled, it can aggravate it and cause you more stress. I'm just warning you that you can't always see anything reassuring with an abdominal scan at this stage."

"Oh, OK." Prentiss felt relieved as the spectre of an internal exam was lifted. She watched the doctor gather up supplies to take blood samples and slid onto the exam bed when motioned to do so.

"You should lay down in case the draw makes you feel faint." he advised her.

"No, thanks. I'll be fine." she replied.

He shrugged as he fixed a tourniquet around her upper arm, "Is it a planned pregnancy?"

She saw Morgan stiffen along with her, "Why?" she asked tersely.

"Oh, sorry. I usually ask it helps me assess how much information you need and can handle, whether you're taking vitamins, that kind of thing." he explained.

"No, not planned." she responded.

"So you haven't taken pre-natal vitamins, or folic acid?" he asked as he skilfully slipped the needle into her vein, using one hand he released the tourniquet and Prentiss watched her blood fill two containers before he removes the needle and presses gauze onto the small wound in her arm.

"No, nothing." she replied to his question with a tinge of guilt.

"OK I can get you started with those today. I have to ask, is this your first pregnancy?"

She hesitated and glanced across at Morgan before answering, "umm no. It was years ago, I .. uh... had an abortion."

She returned her gaze to Morgan long enough to see him register surprise then replace his expression with a more passive one.

"OK thanks, the blood results will take around 40 minutes, we'll have a try for a scan then see where we are, alright?"

"Thank you." she called after him as he headed to the door, leaving her facing Morgan again.

"Wow inquisition." he said with raised eyebrows.

She nodded, "I ...umm I haven't discussed _that _with many people, but I can tell you anything you want to know."

He shrugged, "It's not my business, Emily, but if you want to tell me about it, that's ok."

She shuffled uncomfortably, "I feel like I should, but I don't really know where to start. I was a kid."

"A kid?" he sounded alarmed.

"Fifteen." she clarified.

"You were a kid." he agreed.

"I didn't feel like I had a choice."

He crossed to sit next to her with a sigh, "You did what you had to do."

"You have no idea Morgan." she replied, he could see the pain on her face but was smart enough to know it was about more than just having had an abortion, but he couldn't begin to guess at the circumstances which would have led her to be pregnant at that age.

As she starred into the middle distance she felt Morgan take hold of her hand and she gripped it back tightly.

"What are you trying to say here Emily?" his tone was quiet but firm.

"I ah...the only person I've ever told is dead."

"Matthew." he replied.

She nodded, "What happened to me drove him to drugs because I wouldn't let him help me."

"He was going that way anyway Em. You didn't do that to him. Whatever happened to you was not your fault." he reassured her.

Prentiss leaned her head on his shoulder, fully aware she was crossing another professional boundary but not caring, "It wasn't that baby's fault either but I still had an abortion."

"You were a kid. You did the right thing."

"I protected myself. Nothing more."

"You were raped?"

"That's not the word I would use, it implies one time, but suffice to say that what lead to that pregnancy was not consensual." her words sounded suddenly angry, she hadn't realised she still felt angry. She allowed herself to think about that time in her life so rarely that it still surprised her when it came to the surface.

"I'm sorry, no one should have to go through that. Does Hotch know?"

"No. Only you and Rossi. He asked me when were looking into Matthews death and I didn't want to lie."

She was pleased when Morgan let the silence remain, though she felt as though she could fall asleep on his shoulder. Prentiss pulled herself upright and took a few steps around the small room to wake herself up. She looked across the posters, breastfeeding,vaccination, exercise, is that what her life was going to look like? It seemed a long way from chasing down UN-SUBS, jetting across the country, and living out of her go bag.

The doctors return interrupted her thoughts, he motioned to her to take a seat back on the table as he pulled the ultrasound machine alongside.

"I need to lay you flat." he said as he flattened the head of the bed and motioned for her to swing her legs up. "OK?" he asked as he readied the equipment.

Morgan came up beside her and took hold of her hand again after she had adjusted her clothing to allow access to her lower abdomen. The doctor tucked blue tissue into the pulled down waist band on her trousers.

"It's going to be cold," he warned. Emily's sharp intake of breath confirmed that it was.

"OK, I'm going to start with a general scan, I'm checking your ovaries. Left looks healthy and the tube is clear. Right also healthy and tube clear. Right, I'm going to look for your uterus, it might be a little uncomfortable, some pushing around."

Morgan could see that it was in Emily's sudden flinch and increase in grip on his hand as he pushed the probe in tight by her pubic bone. He reverted his gaze to the monitor screen. He could see a bright circle come into the screen and an odd shaped blob inside it.

"Emily, look." He gestured to the screen and her head snapped up to follow his gaze.

"There's your baby." he doctor almost whispered, "See the flickering there? That's their heartbeating. Perfect. Right size, right shape, they already have little limbs, a nose, your baby is in great shape."

By the time Dr Waterford had finished his inventory Morgan had lost feeling in his fingers from her tight grip and she had more tears on her face but neither of them cared. They were gripped by the amazing sight on the screen.

He handed her a photograph before turning off the screen. She handed it briefly to Morgan while she cleaned herself up and arranged her clothes back. Sitting up she gazed at the picture.

"Your bloodwork will be back in around half an hour, if you want to go get a drink?"

She nodded, "Thank you."

Morgan and Prentiss spent the next half hour wandering and chatting about nothing until crossing back through reception Dr Waterford waved them in.

"OK," he said, "your HCG levels are good and high, that's good it means the pregnancy's well established, the baby's growing well. You on the other hand are not thriving. Have you been vomiting a lot and not able to eat?"

Prentiss glanced over at Morgan before answering, "Vomiting only started today."

"Your blood work shows you're a little dehydrated, you need to keep trying to eat and drink even if you don't feel like it." he handed her a package from a store cupboard, "Prenatal vitamins to get started on. I'd like you to come back in 48 hours and repeat your bloodwork, make sure you're staying hydrated."

Both Prentiss and Morgan nodded and stood to leave, "What about exercise?" Morgan asked.

"What?" Prentiss asked confused.

"We work out together a couple of times a week, I want to know whether I'm loosing my partner."

"An exercise routine that's already established is fine. Don't do anything new just listen to your body and dial it down if you need to." he told them.

Morgan held the door open for her in a flourish of being gentlemanly, "Thanks Doc."

"You're welcome, and your invoice will be ready when you come back." he smiled.

"Thanks." Prentiss added as she exited ahead of him.

They walked to the car quietly, after strapping herself in Prentiss couldn't resist another glance at the scan picture, Morgan leaned in to see with a smile.

"Now that right there is a little miracle."

Prentiss didn't know how to respond and was struck to silence momentarily, "What next?" she asked.

"Next we sneak back into the hotel, find something you feel like eating, get an early night and then hit the ground running tomorrow."

She was amazed and thankful to have someone by her side who sounded so certain and wished she shared the feeling.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors note: Thanks so much for the reviews & encouragement very much appreciated. Sorry this update has taken SO long, work is a cruel mistress :0)

**Disclaimer-I own nothing, no infringement intended, no profits made.**

Fear of flying chapter 7.

After their eventful and exhausting evening Prentiss and Morgan had successfully slipped back into the hotel room. She had chewed on some crackers produced from his magic bag from the pharmacy and he had slipped away for something more substantial while she had a shower.

When he returned Prentiss had been feigning reading a book but actually falling asleep behind it. After some encouragement she was asleep soundly by nine thirty while he lay listening the music through headphones.

When Morgans alarm sounded it was still dark and he remembered hearing Prentiss bolt for the bathroom at some point during the night, glancing across he could see she was back in bed fast out with a glass of water by her bedside. He rethought his plans, maybe he should let her sleep, maybe he shouldn't push her. He thought about it for a couple more minutes then swung himself round and out of bed, turning on a subtle bedside light.

He saw Emily was laid on her side facing away from him, her arms were crossed protectively over her abdomen and he was glad to see her face showed none of the anxiety it had the previous day.

Leaning down next to her Morgan said softly, "Emily, it's time to get up."

He was surprised when her eyes sprung open straight away, "What time is it?" she groaned pushing her face away from him into the pillow, "Did my alarm fail?"

"No it's five thirty."

"What?"

Morgan handed her a dry cracker and some flat soda. "Eat this before you get out of bed and then have a drink. We're going for a gentle run."

She starred at him, "You're joking right? I'm tired I just want to sleep."

Morgan sat back slightly, "Exactly. Emily you are not the type of person who does just curl up and sleep. You need to take control and I'm trying to help you do that. And I found a great spot, trail round a lake it will be awesome to see the sunrise."

"I don't know Morgan."

"You are Emily Prentiss and you do not hide under the covers, now get up and get on with it."

With a disgruntled look she did as instructed and went and got dressed in the bathroom. She emerged wearing joggers and a hoodie with her hair clipped back. As she slipped on her shoes he handed her a bottle of water.

"How you feeling this morning?" he asked her as he locked the door behind them.

"I can't decide whether I'm hungry or feeling sick."

"Well when you decide let me know so I can get you something or move out of the way." he answered.

Leaving the confines of the motel lot they could see no one else was up yet, Morgan led them across a couple of blocks and across a busy looking road to a path between some trees. A couple of minutes walking enclosed by trees and they came out in front of a lake.

"It's a circular track, about one k, we'll take it easy. You up for it?"

Prentiss nodded her agreement, "Yeah, sure." she took a swig of water and set off leaving him standing.

Morgan caught up to her and they jogged in silence alongside each other. He tried to ream in his competitive nature, usually when they ran together they pushed each other to the limit, he cringed thinking of just a week ago he had goaded her into a couple of extra circuits of the steps of the Washington monument. She'd been pregnant and he'd pushed her to the point of exhaustion. He justified that he hadn't known, and in fact had wiped himself out in the process. The next day while he was stiff and sore she hadn't shown a sign of being affected and had smiled at his self-inflicted misery.

His thoughts had obviously slowed him down as Prentiss was ahead of him again.

"Come on Morgan, you gonna let a pregnant girl beat you?" she called with a smile.

He increased his pace enough to catch her up but not to push her to go any faster.

"Great location, how'd you find it?" she asked.

"There's a road that crosses the path, I noticed it when we were driving to the medical centre last night."

She nodded, "So, what about our guy? He seems to have a successful M-O why would he start murdering his victims?"

"Maybe he's escalating? Not satisfied with controlling and abusing he's turned to murder?" he suggested.

"Maybe." she half agreed.

"He stabbed them, viciously, maybe hes become impotent."

"Fits with alcohol abuse." she agreed tearsly.

"So he's no longer able to rape them, he uses violence for a while then substitutes stabbing them for the rape he intended." he hadn't realised he was talking to thin air until he heard coughing behind him. Prentiss was braced against a tree throwing up into the grass between them.

"You decided then." he tried to keep the mood light.

"Yeah, but I'm still listening." she took a tissue out of her pocket and wiped her face,"And seeing the advantages of wearing my hair tied back more regularly." she straightened up and faced him, "Ready to go again?"

He gave her a surprised look, "Are you?"

"Yeah." she started up slow and they continued on the trail.

Once they'd completed a circuit he called her to stop.

"We normally do at least 5 k's." she commented.

"I'm easing you back in. Come on, the rest of the team will be waking up we need to sneak back in."

By the time they returned to the hotel complex the sun had risen giving a cool pale light to the concrete wilderness surrounding them. Morgan was pleased to see a faint flush returned to Prentiss's cheeks, It made a vast improvement on the pallor he'd seen up to now.

Once they had showered and dress Morgan watched as she applied make up, with a fascination that was typically male.

"How come you don't poke your eyes out?" he asked.

"Because I generally don't have someone breathing down my neck while I do it?" she retorted.

He beated a retreat to 'his side' of the room hastily and busied himself with tying his shoes waiting for her to finish.

"You've got long sleeves on right?" he asked a little unnecessarily.

She held up an arm as evidence, "Uh-huh, why?"

He reached to the cabinet beside the bed and held up a small box, "Here," he threw it to her, "the last magic trick in my bag."

She looked at the box as she caught it, "Motion sickness bands? I don't get motion sickness Morgan."

"They work for morning sickness too, put them on they'll be under your sleeves & no one will know. Oh and I lied, try sucking a mint when you're nauseous guess I had one more trick up my sleeve." he said tossing the pack to her which she slid into her pocket.

"How do you know this stuff?" she asked again.

"Just be grateful that I do." he replied, "Ready?"

Prentiss readied herself grabbing her jacket and smoothing the sleeves over the wristbands to ensure they were hidden, "When you are."

They trailed down to the restaurant and found they were first down, Prentiss appeared to deliberate over what to try then went for a piece of toast and a glass of water, Morgan settled on coffee alone. They sat opposite alongside one another and began flicking through the case files they had so far. With a finger Prentiss pushed Morgan's coffee further away from her showing him a disgusted face, he moved it further without comment. It wasn't long before the rest of the team filed into the room, Hotch slipped into the seat opposite Prentiss and tried to catch her eye as she semi-skillfully pretended not to notice by looking at the file in front of her. Morgan nudged her foot slightly and she looked up finally.

"Morning." she muttered, before returning to her paperwork. She picked up a piece of toast and took a tiny bite to give her an excuse not to speak again. She regretted it as soon it was in her mouth as it felt and tasted like cardboard.

"Prentiss?" Hotch insisted, waiting for her to return his attention, "you feeling better this morning?"

She tried to look comfortable but couldn't help fingering the wristbands under her sleeves, "Yes thanks, must've been a 24 hour thing." She could feel his eyes on her and couldn't look up to meet them. She hated lying but couldn't imagine a worse time or place to announce that despite what she'd told him she was pregnant with his child than over the breakfast table with the rest of the team as an audience. To top it off she wasn't particularly good at lying to Hotch or the rest of the team and felt she would fairly quickly come unstuck under questioning. Given a suspect under interrogation she could pretty much spin any tale and act in any way required but it had taken her a long time to allow the team more personal access than she granted most people and she hated to damage it by lying. She was glad when he turned to Morgan, however briefly it may be.

"And you're recovered?" a stare in Morgan's direction let him know he was aware there was more than he'd been told going on here.

"Oh yeah, nothing keeps me down for long." he met his stare head on and Hotch returned his attention to Prentiss. For her part she pretended not to notice his examining gaze and carried on reading while the others sat at an adjoining table.

"Everyone OK this morning?" Rossi enquired.

"Ready willing and able." Morgan replied while Prentiss gave him a somewhat unconvincing smile, "We'll head over to the adoption office before our interviews start to catch up from yesterday."

"It makes sense to have that information before we talk to this family." Prentiss agreed.

Hotch eyed her carefully, "It seems like this girl has withheld more information and for longer than most of the other victims identified."

"Maybe she felt like she didn't have a choice." She replied.

Across their interaction Rossi caught Morgan's eye and raised his eyebrows in a silent question, Morgan shrugged lightly in reply and noted Rossi dissatisfied response.

Hotch pretended he had not noticed their silent conversation though they were both sure that he had and instead gave his calculated reply, "Maybe, but maybe if she had shared more, sooner, things would have been different for her."

Prentiss did not reply but took a mouthful of water before packing up her files which signalled to Morgan she wanted to leave, he followed suit and followed her from the hotel toward the car park. They both heard someone let out a sigh of, perhaps, relief as they left, but continued as if they hadn't noticed. As he held the door for her he caught sight of Hotch heading after them and nodded Prentiss a silent warning. He continued onto the car leaving her standing waiting for Hotch to catch up.

She waited for the door to swing shut behind him and hoped that no one on the team could lip read through the glass doors. They were making a poor attempt at disguising their interest.

"Everything OK?" she asked innocently.

Hotch glanced across at Morgan and watched him shut the car door and pretend to read a file, "Shouldn't I be asking you that? What's going on Emily?"

"Nothing." she answered feeling her skin creep at lying to him.

"You had no intention of going to the adoption agency last night, you weren't at the hotel when we arrived, but you had checked in." he stated waiting for her to explain.

She looked at the floor, "I don't think now is the time to talk about it."

"I didn't mean to upset you yesterday Emily. I haven't spoken to you about that night because you never mentioned it, I thought you wanted to forget about it." he said quietly.

She slouched back from him, "Maybe I did, we talked, we had sex, I feel asleep with your arms around me and when I woke up you had snuck out of my apartment before six a.m. you don't think that was a little indicator of what you considered it to be?"

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Jack was coming home for breakfast, I told you when I arrived, I assumed you'd know that was why I left."

"Why did you come to my apartment that night?" she asked.

"Because I wanted to make sure you were OK after shooting the suspect in the club, what are you implying Emily?"

"I'm not implying anything. And was I? OK, I mean?" She countered.

He shook his head, "No, not really."

"But you assumed that after …well, that night I'd remember one comment you made in the what? The first five minutes of arriving?" she asked him.

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry. Is that what this is about? What were you and Morgan doing last night?" he asked.

She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about this now, Hotch. Morgan was just looking out for me, whatever happens between us he doesn't deserve to be in the firing line."

His hands twitched toward her as he fought the urge to reach out and touch her aware that they had an audience on both sides, "No one is in the firing line. I just want to make things right between us, however you want, whatever that means."

"I have to go." she said, but made no attempt to move.

He nodded but stepped in closer, "I didn't want that night to be a one off and I never meant to hurt you, I thought you had understood that I had to leave to pick up Jack, he's my son I have to put him first." he sighed watching her stare at the floor between them, "I wish you had told me you felt like that. Look, I'll stay out of your way as much as I can. Please, come find me when you're ready to talk to me about whatever's going on."

She walked away from him silently knowing she didn't have the strength to stand there any longer. She mentally kicked herself for getting into this situation. What exactly was she expecting when she finally did tell him? A declaration of undying love? A ring? More likely a transfer to another department and a desk job. As if being pregnant to her supervisor wasn't quite complicated enough he was also a single parent to a child who had been through so much. How could she expect him to commit to her and this baby in any way when it also meant turning that little boy's world upside down?


	8. Chapter 8

Have meandered a bit trying to find a point for this chapter! I know where its going I just need to get there! Thanks a lot for all the lovely reviews & encouragement to keep going :)

Fear of flying - chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, no infringement intended, no profits made.**

Climbing into the SUV next to Morgan Prentiss slammed the door with a little more force than she had intended, seeing Morgan flinch she felt less than apologetic and slammed her seatbelt home giving him an irritated look to try to impress upon him she was up for driving not discussion. He did not seem to take the hint.

"Did you tell him?"

She sighed dramatically,"Yeah, in a car park while you and the rest of the team look on is the best place for that isn't it?"

He raised his hands in surrender, "OK, I get it. Lets get on with this case, shall we?" he slammed the car into gear and pulled them out of the parking lot, resisting the urge to look to see if Hotch was still standing watching them leave.

As they drove Prentiss felt her anger dissipate and guilt crept in in it's place. She regretted the way she had spoken to Hotch, now he'd mentioned it she did remember him saying that Jack was home for breakfast. The problem was that he was _always _there. She couldn't get any distance from him to work things out, part of the problem with sleeping with your boss she supposed. Up until now she had liked how close their team was, they are a family like they had always said. The problem with a family though is that everyone needs time away some times to work out which thoughts are your own and what you have adopted from the people around you. She was certain of a few things. She wanted this baby, she was in love with Hotch and they both had enough baggage to sink in a ship just on the subjects of relationships and families. What she didn't know was whether she really wanted a relationship with him in that sense for all that it meant. They wouldn't be able to continue to work together, for him it meant changing his son's life dramatically and for her to open herself up a lot more than she was used to. She needed to decide whether she wanted to be with him enough to risk that, and she had to do that before she told him about the pregnancy. If she told him straight away he would want to 'do the right thing' and give it a try and she would be swept along unable to turn him down only to realise later it was too many compromises and she couldn't maintain it and everyone would end up hurt. She needed to either tell him she didn't want a relationship with him at all or decide that she did and risk him turning her down, but she was fairly of certain of one thing, whatever happened her position at the BAU would probably be untenable, she had to look for another job. But who was going to hire an agent who was pregnant to their former supervisor? Pressing a hand against her abdomen she wondered, what has she got herself into?

The rest of the day passed in a virtual haze. Once they had the files from the agency she and Morgan returned to the police station to start interviews with the rest of the team. Good to his word Hotch had stayed out of her way as much as could be expected and Morgan left the subject alone. At lunch she had managed a couple of fries before feeling as if her throat were closing over and she had gone back to sipping iced water. She knew from the glances which were passed around the team it had not gone unnoticed but she didn't really care. By the time they'd had finished the family interviews all she could think about was getting back to the hotel room and lying down, ideally after someone had carried her there as she wasn't sure she could actually take another step she was so tired. She briefly wondered if it were purely psychological, now she knew she was pregnant was she feeling sicker and more tired? She decided no as she realised she'd been feeling off for weeks but had put it down to Morgan trying to kill her with working out, or travelling a lot, or living mainly on dinner food. Perhaps knowing she was pregnant had brought it into sharper focus, she now knew it was her baby telling her 'hey I'm here, look after me too'. That didn't bring a lot of comfort though when Hotch stuck his head in the door and asked that they all convene to collate information at the end of the day. She could have drop to the floor in tears and begged to be excused, but she didn't. Once he had left she placed her head in her hands on the desk and sighed deeply. Feeling a hand squeeze her shoulder she shot up immediately.

"You're pretty beat huh?" Morgan asked.

She nodded miserably in reply, "Pathetic aren't I?"

"I don't think so. You Prentiss are one of the most hardcore agents I've ever worked with."

"JJ never complained her whole pregnancy as much as I have in the last twenty-four hours."

"Maybe JJ got lucky, some people have it easy, some people have it tough. You never do anything the easy way I've known you long enough to know that so I'm not surprised you're feeling like hell." he reassured her.

"Thanks, I think." she said as stood to collect their files together, through the glass panel in the door she could see Rossi and Reid filing passed to the conference room, "we should go." she nodded to the waiting team.

Pushing open the door she immediately felt like gagging on the stale dry air in the room. Swallowing hard she opened a window and sat by it. She let Morgan pass on the information they had gathered and kept her head down avoiding eye contact with any of the team around her. She heard them agree that he had kept he methods standard, mainly because they worked, as none of the families involved had reported him he kept to a tight geographical area. As they started to discuss why he had turned to murder Morgan put forward their thoughts on him becoming impotent and she turned a page to try to look like she was keeping up. She started to read to ensure she had a page with something relevant on but found the letters and words swimming in front of her eyes. She blinked in alarm and sat up straighter a bit more abruptly than she intended, drawing attention to herself.

"Prentiss?" Rossi enquired leaning toward her.

"Sorry," she muttered, "I need some air." she stood to go outside, as she did her vision went black at the edges and she realised she was quite likely to pass out. Taking a deep breath she used it to propel herself to the front doors of the station ignoring the confused looks she accumulated on the way there. Feeling her legs begin to betray her she grabbed the back of a bench outside and pulled herself onto it. As her vision blurred further and the sidewalk in front of her pitched she put her head down resting forward with her arms on her knees and hoped that she didn't pass out cold and end up on the floor in front of the station. After a couple of minutes of slow deep breathing she was satisfied she wasn't going to actually faint and she sat up slightly and leaned against the back of the bench. She wasn't sure she could face going back. All the wondering glances, concerned looks and questioning stares. Starring ahead she hadn't heard anyone approach and was surprised when Hotch slid into the seat next to her.

"Have you eaten today?" he asked her.

"Yes." she replied with a sigh.

"Two french fries and and bite of toast is not eating." he countered.

"Then no." she said in resignation. She waited for a further comment but none came, "I'm sorry i was unfair to you earlier."

"That's OK, you\re obviously sick, I shouldn't have kept bothering you."

She hesitated then turned from her starring to face him, "No, I'm not sick, I'm pregnant."

She watched his eyes spring wide in surprise, "You lied to me?" it was a question not an accusation.

She shook her head, "No, well I mean not how you mean. I only found out last night, I did take contraception like I said so I didn't think it was possible, but I didn't do it right, obviously."

He nodded slowly absorbing the information, "Is there anything else I should know?"

"Yes." she replied but stopped short of any information.

With a tilted head and a raised eyebrow he replied, "Not here, and not now?"

She nodded, "We should get back." As she rose to leave he took her arm and guided her back down.

"No, you need to go get some rest, get some food, all those things. You look awful, if you feel half as bad as you look-"

"I get it OK? But I can't just walk out in the middle of a case Hotch."

"Yes you can. You're pregnant, and nothing is more important than that OK? Nothing."


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks so much for reading & reviewing.

**Disclaimer - I don't own anything, no infringement intended, no profit made.**

After her conversation with Hotch he had insisted she stay outside while he retrieved her belongings and explained her absence to the team, in broad and non-specific terms. He had also insisted he drive her back to the hotel, though she felt she was more than capable of escorting herself she conceded to his wishes. As they drove the motion rocked her gently and she leaned her head ageist the window watching the urban landscape go by. She only realised she had fallen asleep when Hotch's gentle urging woke her and she saw the hotel car park out of the car window. Embarrassed she pushed her hair back out of her face.

"Sorry." she muttered.

"Come on." he replied opening his door and stepping out onto the tarmac.

She was surprised when he circled around the car, closed her car door as she stood and placed a gentle but firm hand on her back to guide her. His hand was warm and reassuring but the gesture was unfamiliar, not something she had ever expected from him or asked for from anyone for a long time. As they walked she turned her head to meet his eyes wondering what she would see there. She found he looked as passive as usual facially but his eyes sparkled with purpose, he flashed her a brief smile as they walked and mouthed "_OK?"_ to her. She nodded in reply and turned her attention back to watching where they were going. Once they reached the correct floor she took the lead and let Hotch follow her to the room she was sharing with Morgan. At the door she turned to face him, "Are you coming in, or do you have to head back?"

"The team have it covered, but I can go if you prefer?" he asked.

She opened the door in invitation, "No, it's OK. We should talk." As she closed the door the felt the weight of their situation, she wanted this baby more than anything but what did it mean for their lives? For her in all likelihood it meant moving to another department after she'd worked so hard to get to the BAU and stay there. She supposed for Hotch it meant upsetting the stability he had so fiercely defended for his son. What sort of situation would this child be born into?

"Are you up to it?" he asked gently as he took a seat.

"I'd tell you if I weren't." she answered trying to keep clear of a defensive tone and not entirely succeeding. She took the chair opposite him and adopted a curled up position resting her head on her hand.

"You said there was more you needed to tell me?" he probed gently.

She starred at the floor for a few seconds before meeting his eyes, "First, I'd like to know what you're thinking at the moment."

He blew air out between his lips and sat back slightly, "Well, I'm thinking that we were irresponsible not being careful, that we are both culpable for not talking since that night." he paused to gauge her reaction then continued, "I'm thinking that like you said, you don't want to be pregnant by your boss, that I have tried very hard to maintain stability for the child I already have and we don't know how we would handle being in a relationship. I'm also thinking that I love being with you, in every way, and that children are always a blessing not a burden."

"Thank you, for being so honest."

"Now it's your turn, what else do I need to know?" he sat forward again.

She cleared her throat and chewed her lip nervously, she didn't know where to start, "I…um, I didn't lie yesterday, I had some bleeding a couple of weeks ago. When the test came up positive yesterday I was worried, I didn't want to tell you if there was nothing to tell, so we went to a medical centre on the edge of town," she reached down and fumbled in her bag until she came up with the photograph which was neatly inserted into a presentation card, "they did a scan and everything looks OK." She handed him the picture and waited for his reaction.

"Morgan took you?" he asked before taking the card from his hand.

"I'm sorry." she nodded.

"I'm glad you had someone with you, but I'd like to be there from now on." he replied softly, "Wow, its really clear, already." he gazed at the shape of the baby they'd made together, amazed that all the stupid mistakes they'd made could result in something so perfect, "Does this tell me what you're thinking?" he watched her tilt her head in confusion, "You wouldn't have showed me this if you didn't intend to have the baby, would you?" he asked.

She shook her head, "Probably not, but I wouldn't have excluded you either. But I _do_ want to have this baby."

"What else are you thinking?" he asked.

She chewed her lip anxiously, "You know I've always been someone who keeps their private life out of the office, so to speak, so this is not easy for me."

"I don't doubt it, but we made the choice to blur those lines, we owe it to each other to put that aside for the moment."

"This isn't my first pregnancy. When I was fifteen I had an abortion." she watched him carefully for his reaction, but he kept his face impassive.

"There's no reason to be ashamed of that Emily, I'm sure you did what was right for you at the time. You were fifteen? Matthew Benton?" he asked, feeling as if some of her behaviour during that time made sense. He had never seen her as emotional and off balance, until the last couple of days anyway.

"He helped me through it, but he wasn't the father." She knew she had been more forthcoming with Morgan but couldn't help but think that Hotch would view her as a victim once he knew and she didn't want to be grouped in with all the faces they had passed over in the last few years.

"Have you told anyone about this before?"

"When we were looking into Matthew's death I told Rossi, and yesterday I had to tell the doctor I saw, Morgan was with me." she watched him nod slowly.

"Dave kept your confidence, he never told me or anyone else to my knowledge."

"I didn't tell you, maybe I should have I'm sorry. I didn't want to go into the circumstances, it wasn't a good time for me." she tried to impart her meaning without using the words. She hated to associate those terms with herself, she had shut away all the thoughts of that time to a place in her mind that she didn't visit often. She had good reason, she knew when Matthew's death had forced her to go there she had been lucky to keep her job and the support of the team.

"And what were the circumstances?" he asked gently.

She looked him in the face and continued to hesitate, her head was spinning from everything that had gone on in the last twenty four hours, she wasn't sure she could form the right words, "He …um … he was someone close, someone who abused a trusted relationship, repeatedly."

Hotch's face wrinkled up and he got up to sit by her for the first time, reaching out and taking hold of her hand, "Someone on the staff?" he asked, remembering how fanatical her mother had been about security clearances when he first encountered her. Maybe he understood her attitude a little more.

Prentiss shook her head, "No, I'm not playing 'who dunnit' with you Hotch, I never told anyone besides Matthew and I don't want to repeat it ever again."

"You never told your parents? Reported it?" he was surprised, he knew from years working alongside her she was not afraid to put herself at risk, and she knew how to take a hit, literally and metaphorically, to protect someone else, but he'd never considered why or how she had refined those skills. He considered that he'd seen her blood spilled probably more than anyone else on the team, most often when she gone the extra mile in the line of duty in the defence of someone else.

She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head, "No, I couldn't tell my mom, I never filed a report."

Hotch turned her words over in his head. On one hand her statement remained child-like, 'my mom' not 'my mother' which was the way she generally referred to her. On the other she spoke of filing a report, not getting help or confiding in anyone, she had partitioned it off, filed it away like an old case where it couldn't harm her anymore. He noted that she had mentioned her mother and not her father, in fact he didn't think he had ever heard her talk about her father. He decided not the broach this subject, looking at her he could see she had no energy left.

"So," he asked finally, "where do we go from here?"

She shrugged back at him, not wishing to seem like she didn't care, but still not knowing the answer, "Maybe we just need to let the dust settle to figure that out? Do you think any wise decisions about people's futures have ever been made in hotel rooms while working cases?"

A smile tugged at his lips as he tried to formulate a response that didn't make too much of a joke out of the situation they'd put themselves in, "No, but I imagine a few situations like this have started in just such circumstances."

He watched a smile appear on her face as she laughed lightly, he didn't realise how much he had missed her soft chuckle until he heard it, like when you suddenly realise something you had in your hand is missing. How could he even entertain the thought of not being with this captivating, intelligent and beautiful woman to raise the child they'd made together, no matter how much upheaval that meant for the way his life way was right now? That is, if she would have him, if she would let him in enough to be there as fully as he wanted to be. He considered how he had behaved in his marriage to Hayley. He certainly had wanted to be around more than he had been to experience the pregnancy with her, and help with the baby, but they both knew at the time that there were limits. When she told him she was pregnant he had hugged her tightly and walked out of the door to go to work no more than twenty minutes later, he would never have walked out in the middle of a case to see her get home alright because she was feeling ill. Maybe that said more about his relationship with Hayley than his non-relationship with Emily. It had been an effort for years to stay with Hayley, to keep her happy,to keep everything going. So far the biggest effort required with Emily was staying away from her, and controlling himself around her.

"Do you need to head back?" her voice brought him back to the room, he knew she had been aware his mind was drifting. It certainly was a better alternative for her to think he was thinking about the case than pondering his late ex-wife so he let the assumption be.

"No, but I might check in if you don't mind?" he gestured to the door with his cell phone.

"Of course not, that _is _why we're here Hotch." she reminded him.

She watched him rise and once the door swung shut wondered what she was supposed to do now? She felt like they were in limbo. They couldn't make any real decisions right now, until this case was finished, even then she felt it was a little early to rush into anything. This was the sort of situation they spent lots of time and energy warning you about at the academy. The women always ended up the losers. Ruined careers and often no relationship. She knew Hotch wouldn't treat anyone like that, but she wasn't sure she even wanted to stay with the BAU. She'd put herself in some fairly risky situations and couldn't imagine doing that while pregnant or knowing she had a family waiting for her back at home, wondering whether it would be this time she didn't return to them. Feeling the futility of sitting ready in her work gear feeling uncomfortable she decided to change for the evening. It was clear Hotch wasn't going to let her back in on this case and she wasn't exactly disappointed. She felt cold, tired and sick and all she really wanted to do was curl up under a thick blanket and sleep for at least ten hours. By the time she was changed she felt more relaxed and could feel some of the tension that had stored in her muscles the last day or so ebb away, and she sat on her bed to read a book and wait for Hotch's return. _See, already acting like the wife sitting at home_, she told herself.

If he was surprised to see her changed and relaxing when he returned he didn't show it, she wasn't sure he had ever seen her dressed to lay about, well apart from that one time of course. In silent response to her demeanour he removed his own shoes and tie, as if to silently tell her he wasn't leaving.

"How's it going?" she asked as he perched on the side of the bed.

"They think they have a lead," he said shrugging off his jacket and loosening his top button, "someone called the agency a couple of days ago, wanting to trace the child."

"They think he's going after her?"

Hotch nodded in reply, "Although the statue of limitation has passed for that case, if genetic testing proved he is her father it would show he had form at least for sex with a minor and could speak to the other cases. They think he'll try to snatch her."

Prentiss raised her eyebrows in concern, "And she's almost fifteen now, right in his age range of choice." She suppressed a shudder thinking of this creep targeting a child who's only transgression was it's genetic heritage. She hated the cases with kids.

"They're monitoring the house, and the mom's house, they'll probably have him in custody shortly," he shuffled round so he was sitting beside her, "So… Morgan may have told me repeatedly that he's not coming back to the room tonight."

She snorted at him, "Hotch, I am _really _not in the mood…"

He laughed at her, then bit his lip hoping he hadn't offended her, "Sorry, Emily I wasn't trying to imply I want to _do_…anything, just that I'd like to stay with you, make sure you're alright, that you get some sleep, have a little to eat, as long as that's not too much for you?"

"Oh!" she laughed, "sorry, maybe its me that has a one track mind then! That would be fine, thank you."

Laying alongside her he eased her down more so she was laying flatter, "You aren't going to keep anything down until you've had some rest, so lets start with a nap, then maybe late dinner?"

He felt her relax as she turned onto her left side and put her back to him, he moved in beside her and pushed himself in close. He rested his head on one arm and placed his lips to her hair where he placed a gentle kiss, his right arm he slipped around her waist and let it rest low on her abdomen, where he knew their baby was curled up protected, "Is this OK?" he asked her.

He felt rather than saw a smile touch her lips, "More than OK." she answered.

"In that case-" he said jumping up abruptly, he pulled her shirt up loosely to reveal her still flat stomach and placed a kiss gently on it, "Behave for your mommy, she needs some rest." he whispered. As he raised his head and met her eyes, pleased to see a wide smile there, he placed his lips over hers and gave her a kiss equally as gentle as the one he'd shared with their baby. Laying back down he slipped his hand under her top and rested it on the bare skin of her abdomen, feeling content with the warmth between them. He lay and listened to her breathing slow, and when he was satisfied she was asleep he relaxed and allowed himself to drift off.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for all the reviews, sorry for the wait and typos and anything else! SIck kids, working hassles and even a death in the family, it really has been a BUSY week. And now we have inches of snow and only 2 shifts this week instead of 3 so you can expect a faster update, and a one shot which has appeared in my head and will shortly be finished!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, no profits made, no infringement intended.**

Fear of flying - chapter 10.

Hotch hadn't realised he had allowed himself to relax enough to fall asleep next to Emily until he was woken by her abrupt departure from the bed next to him. The warm spot he had been curled around was suddenly cold and empty and it took him a moment to orientate himself to where he was and what he was doing here. The piercing slam of the bathroom door told him exactly where she had gone, and why, and he sighed for her. He'd always known her as one of the strongest people on the team, or indeed in his life, it disturbed him to see her so vulnerable and know that it was at least in part his fault. He'd only seen her so exposed on one other occasion, and he knew now that that was also rooted in an unplanned pregnancy.

Gently trying the bathroom door he was glad to find she either had chosen not to lock it or hadn't had time and he pushed it open to help in anyway he could. He found her on her knees leaning over the toilet propped up on her arms as she retched violently. He sank down next to her and rubbed gently in the middle of her back. She stiffened and shoved his hand away slightly with the back of her arm.

"Sorry, you don't like that?" he asked.

She shook her head but was unable to response in any other way. Instead he placed a hand flat against her back, just to let her know he was still there.

"That OK?" he whispered gently.

"uh-h'" she started to reply but was cut off by another round of violent heaving. He felt her whole body tense as she dry heaved, then a deep gasp as she finished and tried to regain some control over her stomach muscles.

He got up to wet a washcloth with cold water, sitting back down he brushed her hair out of the way. Underneath it he saw her cheeks were bright red and flushed from the effort of vomiting, her eyes streamed, he couldn't tell if it was from the vomiting or she was crying. She hitched in a shaky breath as he dabbed her forehead with the cool cloth, he used his other hand to wipe the tears off her face.

"Thanks." she whispered, "Sorry you had to see that." she added, shuffling backward so she could lean against the wall, needing the support but not sure she could get up and leave the bathroom yet.

"You don't need to worry about that. I've seen you drooling asleep on the jet, this" he gestured around with his hands, "is not going to put me off." The Prentiss he knew wouldn't have been able to resist a sharp reply, but all she could manage was a cursory glance.

"Did you get some rest?" he asked gently, she didn't open her eyes but did answer.

"Yeah, thanks for staying Hotch. It means a lot.". She knew she didn't need to tell him that but wanted to make sure that she appreciated him sacrificing his time to care for her, though the thought of being someone who needed to be cared for remained alien to her.

He stood and helped her to her feet, and she rinsed out her mouth with mouthwash before she shakily followed him back to the bedroom where she had little choice but to lay down. She shut her eyes as a wave of dizziness and nausea washed over her. Hotch sat on the edge of the bed and regarded her with a concerned expression.

"The doctor I saw wants to take more bloods today." she told him, "Just to see if I'm eating and things like that, there's nothing to check with the baby."

"it's still early, I'll call when they open and take you up early." he said smoothing her hair down. He pursed his lips together before continuing, "You know, I never took one day off to look after Hayley when she was pregnant with Jack."

Prentiss's eyes shot open as she tried to understand his words, "You think this is an opportunity to what? Put it right? Do it better?" her tone was low and controlled, not what she felt.

Hotch took her hand, "No, that's not what I meant Emily. I never wanted to, that's what I meant. I planned to spend my life with Hayley and still I didn't feel like I'd rather be with her than anywhere else when she needed me. I'm telling you I can't imagine being anywhere else but here right now and that I wouldn't want to."

Her jaw dropped open slightly as she struggled to form a response, "I don't know what to say to that Hotch." she settled upon.

He nodded, "It's OK, I wasn't expecting a particular response. I just want to let you know that the only way you're getting rid of me is if you tell me to go. But you should also know that Jacks part of the package."

She gazed at him lazily wondering what she had done so right to deserve the chance to make a family with someone like him.

"I know, and I love that part of you, but we have other things to take care of before Jack gets involved. I want everything to be settled before we pull the rug out from under him." she replied pulling at a thread on the comforter.

"Like?" he prompted.

"Work," she replied, "we can't keep working together. I'm not sure I have the stamina to keep up with the BAU, I'm thinking I should ask for reassignment."

She watched him raise his eyebrows at her. She understood his skepticism, she had fought long and hard to establish herself on the team, safeguarding her baby would probably be the only reason she would ever choose to leave.

"Why would you do that?" he asked.

"Did you know air hostesses are grounded when they're pregnant?" she asked.

"I'm not sure what that has to do with this, you don't want to fly anymore?" he asked puzzled.

"What I mean is every job has it's hazards but this job has more than most. I don't want to worry about getting knocked down, beaten up, stabbed, shot, stalked or hit by a truck. I want to worry about what sort of cheeses I can eat, whether I've gained too much weight, whether to buy pink or blue."

He nodded slowly, "You want to have a fear of flying, not of a serial killer being at the helm?"

"Exactly."

"I don't want you to do this if it has anything to do with protecting my position over fallout because of our relationship." he replied.

She sat up slowly to face him pausing to see if her body could tolerate the new posture, the nausea persisted but didn't intensify.

"You'd rather I continue and you not be there? You'd rather sit behind a desk somewhere while I drag my pregnant ass around with the team?" she asked.

He brushed hair out of her face and looked into her eyes, he didn't consider himself to be a tactile person but since he had first touched her to offer comfort he found it almost impossible to stop.

"I just don't want you to make a sacrifice you might regret. You worked hard to establish yourself, you won't be able to make progress like that somewhere else after maternity leave." he explained.

"I don't care Hotch." she said, "This baby is more important than all that stuff."

"I'm glad we agree on that, but if you're transferring out and seeing how we've shared a bed on two occasions now, maybe you can drop Hotch and cal me Aaron?" he smiled.

She smiled back at him, "Maybe I'll think about it."

"Good," he replied, "I'm going to go call and check up on the team." he gestured to the door and palmed his phone while she nodded her assent.

As he left the room she glanced around for a clock wondering what time it actually was. She was disappointed to see it was only 5.30am, Hotch's comment about it being a little early was a little conservative, she thought. Her eyelids felt heavy but she was determined not to fall back to sleep until she'd spoken to Hotch and heard what was happening on the case. She couldn't believe that he had taken time off to take care for her, it just wasn't like him, or like her really. but maybe that's what happened when you loved somebody. She wondered at the word, it was the first time she'd allowed herself to associate that word with Hotch. She worried about it, maybe she didn't love him, maybe her love for this baby and her determination to give him or her the best life possible was all bound up with seeing Hotch as a family man. She worried she was pushing herself to feel something she didn't really feel. She tried to think back to before she found out she was pregnant, why had they spent the night together anyway? Was it because she was sad? Stressed? Had he just been there when she needed someone? Would it have mattered if it had been someone else? No, she knew that wasn't the case. They had spent the night together because it felt right, it felt good, and that was the same reason they hadn't stopped and she had ended up pregnant. They were simply lost in each other and hadn't wanted it to end. They had made this baby in love, everything that had happened in the interim was just everything else getting in the way, and she was going to make sure that didn't happen again. She needed to get out of the BAU to protect their relationship and stop office politics from getting in the middle. The only thing that should be in the middle of them was Jack and this baby.

Having those facts straight in her head made her feel lighter and happier and she had less trouble staying awake waiting for Hotch, Aaron, to return. Certainly she still felt like hell but the uncertainty had weighed on her more than she had realised. She'd always prided herself on being very independent and needing no one, she realised that whether or not she needed him she certainly wanted him. She had needed him to make this baby so she knew she was kidding herself if she thought she didn't want him to stick around now.

When he slipped through the door Hotch also seemed to have had a weight taken off him.

"They caught him?" she guessed.

He nodded in reply, "Yeah, and before he even got to the daughter's house. She didn't know anything about it, so she never has to know what her father was." He took her in with a sideways glances, "You look … better?"

She shrugged and smiled, "I think just saying out loud that I want to quit the BAU for this baby really helped me to get some things straight." she admitted.

He sat next to her, leaned in and kissed her on the lips. She sighed as she relaxed against him and deepened the kiss, bringing a hand up to the side of his face.

"Hey," he whispered, breaking the kiss but putting no extra distance between them, "don't get any ideas."

She raised her eyebrows at him, "Do we have to fly out early?"

He shook his head, "No, I told the team to get some rest and we'll head out this afternoon. I want you to follow up with that doctor, it might be a few days before you can schedule an OB appointment after we get back to DC. And you're going to get some more rest too." he said as he gently pushed her backwards onto the pillow and eased her round onto her side so she was facing away from him again.

"What are you going to do?" she yawned in spite of herself.

"I'm going to lie here and think of baby names." he replied. He lay down next to her as they had been and buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply. She turned over to face him and looked up at him for a few second before curling herself to fit into his shape and resting her head on his chest. He lay his head back, resting a cheek on the top of her head and waited for her to relax back to sleep, he didn't have long to wait, she was soon limp against him breathing softly.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you for the continuing reviews and generally being such an ace community!

Fear of flying chapter 11.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, no infringement intended, no profits made.**

Hotch had really enjoyed laying by Emily as she slept, he hadn't felt like going back to sleep himself so instead he lay and watched her as best he could considering she was pressed against him. Her breathing had remained slow and even, though her face continued to be pale and she wore a slightly less than relaxed expression. He wondered if she was uncomfortable or was still aware of feeling nauseous in her sleep. He remembered curling up with her in her apartment, and sleeping naked, something he had never done with anyone else. Even with Hayley he had always got up and put on a pair of shorts. It was as if after years of erecting barriers between them purposefully once they had decided to put them aside they didn't want anything between them again. He remembered how soft and relaxed she had been in his arms, that even after everything they'd done to or with each other as she slept she seemed to hardly have a hair out of place. He inhaled the scent of her hair again furtively, wondering if she might slap him away for being such a sap. He considered everything that was about to happen in their lives, everything would be swept up and changed but he knew that over the next few months as things fell into place they would stop feeling the stress of change and start seeing all the positives. He wished they could stay here, holed up in this hotel room for just another day or two. It was like a bubble, protecting them from the realities they would have to face going forward. All that mattered in this room was each other and their baby, he hoped that was something they could carry with them as they reconnected with the team later today. He knew that Morgan knew everything, and although they'd had their moments he wasn't indiscreet. Hotch was fairly sure Rossi knew too. The older profiler was probably one of the more intuitive of the group when it came to Emily, and himself, and he now understood why. She had needed to confide in someone when they looked into Matthew Benton's death and Rossi had been the only one with enough sense to take her to one side and give her the space and time to do it. He wished it had been him. And again Morgan had swooped in and been there for her when he wasn't. He promised himself that wouldn't happen again.

Realising he would soon have to wake her he decided to try moving gently to lighten her sleep. He reached down to touch the skin on her hand, it was cool under his touch, as he rubbed her hand gently he felt the motion sickness wristbands and wondered where she had got them from. They had helped Hayley, but he was trying very hard not to vocalise things like that, he didn't think late-ex wife comparisons would go down at all well. And they were so different any comparison was meaningless, but Hayley was his only real point of reference in terms of relationships or pregnancy.

He leant forward and stroked her cheek them planted a gentle kiss on it. She sighed and opened her eyes straight away, looking up to meet his she gave him a half smile.

"Hey." he whispered.

She buried her face in his chest for a moment, "What time is it?" she whispered hoarsely.

"It's almost 8am, you have time for a shower before I take you to the clinic for nine." he told her.

"You're organising my schedule?"

He shrugged slightly, "Our schedule. I'm coming with you. I don't mean to push you but I don't think you should be driving alone anyway."

"It's OK," she assured him, "I don't want to drive. I have a headache, still feeling like I could throw up, I certainly am not going to argue with you."

Hotch couldn't help himself, "Now there's a first." he laughed.

"ha ha." she said dryly, pulling herself up off the bed. She gratefully accepted his outstretched hand to steady herself as she felt the effects of having been laid down for most of the last twenty four hours and of having kept little down for going on three days.

She made her way to the shower, pausing to take a drink from a fresh bottle of water and feeling somewhat like a shuffling elderly lady, turned it on and half closed the bathroom door while she waited for the water to run warm enough to get into. She removed her clothes hidden behind the door, she firmly believed there was no attractive way to shed pants and wasn't ready for Hotch to be able to see her stumbling around with them caught around her ankles. Once she could see an acceptable level of steam rising from the shower's stream she stepped in and was pleasantly surprised by how forceful and warm the jet was. She placed one hand flat against the cream tiles to support herself while she allowed the water stream the run over her head with her eyes closed. She fell like hell. Her head was pounding, dehydration she didn't doubt, she was so tired she could hardly keep herself upright and she felt like she had to concentrate to stop herself throwing up again. So these are the amazing joys of pregnancy she heard so much about? She honestly wondered how the human race continued, why would you choose to feel this way? She understood why her mother had only had one child.

She rinsed her hair quicker than usual, the floral smell of her shampoo stuck in her throat and made her feel like retching, but she was able to stop herself and get out of the shower without incident. Wrapping a thick towel around herself she rung her hair out to remove the excess water and smell of the shampoo and then reentered the bedroom to find some clothes acceptable for the day. She didn't think joggers and a t-shirt would work for joining the team on the jet home, though it was all she felt like wearing. Glancing across at Hotch she saw he had changed into jeans and a shirt and she decided to take his lead and retrieved a pair of jeans and looser fitting top than she would normally go for, making sure it had long sleeves to cover firstly the wristbands and secondly the bruises that were developing from the first set of blood tests.

"I called ahead, they can see you first thing." he told her as she switched off the hairdryer and looked around to find a tie to pull her hair back into a ponytail.

"Thanks." she replied, "What time is wheels up? Are we going to be cutting it fine?"

He shook his head, "No, it should be fine we're scheduled to leave around 2pm, so we don't need to leave here until around 1pm. How long do the results take for the blood tests?"

"Around half an hour." she replied, still searching.

Hotch gently touched her arm to get her attention, "Hey, you OK?"

She sighed and leaned into him, he was surprised and hesitated slightly before bringing his hands up, resting one on her shoulder and stroking her hair with the other.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently.

"Nothing," she answered, "just feeling sorry for myself." she admitted, sinking closer into him.

He sighed, "Sorry you're feeling like this." He felt her stiffen and inhale a sharp breath, "You OK?"

She shook her head as she pressed the back of her hand to her lips. He gently turned her in his grasp and half guided, half carried her to the bathroom where he just about managed to position her over the sink before she started retching. He swept her hair out the way as best he could as he balanced her weight against his thigh and supported her with the other hand.

"Aaron…" she muttered between retches.

He looked up from the spot on the back of her neck that he had been concentrating on to see her reflection in the mirror in front of them. glancing down into the sink he saw what little she had firstly got down and then managed to throw up was streaked with blood. He watched her close her eyes and try to slow to breathing as the heaving subsided, he let her hair free and rinsed the sink with warm water.

"I'm sure its nothing to worry about, you just need something to get on top of this." he said quietly.

"I need to sit down." she whispered, he had jammed her in to support her and now she couldn't get out.

He eased her away from the sink and helped her back into the bedroom, where he instructed her, "Lay down."

She did as instructed, "Sorry for being so pathetic." she said.

He laid a kiss on her forehead gently, "You're not. It will pass, I'm sure it just doesn't feel like it right now. Take a few minutes then we'll set off, OK?"

She nodded and did as instructed.

They passed through the sliding doors together, Emily virtually tucked under his arm with her hand looped round his waste for support. He deposited her on the chairs opposite reception as he spoke to the receptionist he knew was expecting them. He kept glancing back at her to make sure she had managed to stay upright, he didn't think he'd ever seen anyone be so sick just from being pregnant, or so quickly. She had gone from being tired and nauseous on the plane to exhausted and vomiting blood in a couple of days. He didn't want to see what would happen without medical attention for another day.

Sitting back next to her he was surprised when she leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder. He knew she really must be feeling sick if she had not thought or cared about who might see them. Not that it was his primary concern either, he had left her hotel room with her and brought her here without caring if the rest of the team saw them. He assumed they'd all drawn their own conclusions by now anyway.

After a short waiting a doctor motioned them into an examination room. He watched Emily's movements as they followed, her usually impeccable posture was slouched and she walked slowly & deliberately. She didn't hesitate to slide up onto the examination table, Hotch took his position by her side as the doctor faced them.

"Miss Prentiss, thanks for coming back in," he said as he leafed through the paperwork then glanced up and put it to one side, "I don't really need bloodwork to see whether you've been able to keep anything down do I?"

She shook her head, "Nope."

"She vomited blood this morning." Hotch piped in. He ignored the threatening stare Emily shot him.

If the doctor was surprised or alarmed he didn't show it, "You probably have a little trauma to your throat, it's not unusual. Look, you're quite early on but I can guess that you're going to need treatment."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Finding the right drugs to treat extreme pregnancy sickness can be a long process of trial and error. You need hospitalisation, fluids and some time to stabilise on the right meds." he told her.

She shook her head, "No, I can't do that, I have to fly back to DC today."

"You'll be putting yourself at risk if you do that." he answered bluntly.

"It's only a short flight I can see my primary care doc when I get home." she countered.

"I can't force you to get admitted, but you're risking your health."

"What about the baby?" Hotch asked, "How is it affected?"

"The baby will take what it needs from you short term, but long term can't thrive if your body is under so much stress." he addressed his answer directly to Prentiss.

"Can't you give me something short acting to get me home? I can't be admitted here." she almost begged.

He pursed his lips, "I'm not prepared to give you anti-sickness meds but I'll take your bloodwork again for you to pass on to your primary physician, and I'll give you an IV fluid bolus over an hour to improve your hydration for today. But you must see a doctor when you get home."

"She will." Hotch promised.

They spent the next two hours sitting around waiting for blood work and then waiting for the fluid to go through. The doctor informed them he was giving her dextrose so she'd get hydrated and get a few calories, she'd feel better for a couple of hours but it wouldn't last, she'd probably crash and burn mid-afternoon. He reiterated another five times that she would be better off being admitted for fluids, medication and observation. She steadfastly refused overtime. Eventually he seemed to give in, Hotch had to admire his determination he had been in the position of arguing with Emily Prentiss several times and it was never something he relished, and rarely something he'd walked away from unscathed. He realised how much this was taking out of her if she hadn't fended him off enough to discourage him from trying again.

When all the procedures were finished she was left with two new venepuncture marks on each arm and an already sizeable bruise on the back of her left hand. Since she was dehydrated her veins had been difficult to cannulate, Hotch couldn't think of anyway she as going to be able to hide the marks on her hand short of wearing gloves, and everyone on the time knew what needle puncture marks looked like. They were either going to have to think of a better cover story or tell the truth. He wondered which was the better option. Prentiss took a folder full of test results and records to pass on to her doctor. Hotch so desperately wished he had forced her to stay at home, he knew she wasn't herself before they boarded the plane, he shouldn't have allowed her to come along. If she'd stayed in DC she would be getting proper treatment right now instead of dragging herself onto a flight where they had put themselves in the position of having to keep up appearances for the duration.

As they walked back to the SUV Hotch felt she walked a little easier, she looked less like she was about collapse and more just like someone suffering from lack of sleep. He waited for her to be done with the seat belt before pulling away.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked.

"You're not going to chew me out for refusing hospital?" she countered.

He pursed his lips, "No," he said carefully, "there's no extra risk to the baby, you'll be seeing a doctor as soon as we get back to DC, you're the best judge of whether you can handle the flight."

"I'll be fine, motion actually seems to make me feel a little better."

He raised his eyebrows, "Really? Maybe it's me that makes you throw up then because you were sick on the plane out, and with me driving the SUV."

"Huh," she mused, "yeah I forgot. OK , today it helps. Yesterday the wristbands worked."

He held onto the silence for a moment then said, "Everyone will be up and around when we get back."

She nodded, "What do you want to tell them?" she asked.

"I don't know. I don't want to lie, but I think we could both do without the press of everyone wanting us the set everything in stone when we haven't."

"That's reasonable. Just stick with checking I'm OK to fly after being sick then?" she suggested.

"As long as that's OK with you."

She nodded her consent and they rounded into the parking lot. Taking a deep breath she snatched up the envelope and tried to hide it in her bag as best she could, the last she needed was to do something as klutzy as drop the contents for the rest of the team to read. She was surprised when once again Hotch rounded the car and open her door for her.

"When did you become such a gentleman?" she asked

He laughed lightly, "I'm not really such a hard-ass. I work very hard to maintain that reputation."

She couldn't help but peer around to see if anyone was around as they crossed into the reception, she saw Hotch doing the same.

"They're all in the restaurant." he told her having covered the opposite direction to her.

"I don't think I'm up for that," she admitted, "The smells…"

He nodded his understanding, "Go pack up and I'll come up and bring the bags down after I've spoken to the team."

He watched her nod and as she turned to walk in the opposite direction found he had to check himself to stop him reaching to give her a reassuring kiss on the forehead.

As he entered the restaurant Hotch had the unnerving feeling that he was entering the lions den. Reid, Rossi, Garcia and Morgan were all sitting together nursing coffees and pretending not to notice or not to be interested in his approach.

"Morning." he said casually, sliding into a spare seat beside Rossi.

"How's Emily?" Rossi asked without preamble.

Hotch chose his words carefully, "She's OK to fly today, the doctor I took her to wants her to get checked out again back in DC, so I'm going to make sure she does that." he switched his gave across to Morgan, hoping that he would understand the gentle suggestion he should back off and allow Hotch to be around more. He watched Morgan nod in response.

"Is she OK though?" Reid asked, it was clear that he lacked the general insight into his co-workers that had led both Morgan and Rossi to draw the correct conclusion about why she was sick. He was probably afraid she had something fatal. Hotch wondered what Garcia was thinking, it was unlike her to keep her opinions or questions to herself unless there was a good reason. Knowing that your friend was sleeping with her boss was probably as good a reason as any to check out of the discussion and he briefly wondered if Emily had confided in her, or if Garcia had already worked enough tech magic to hack into her records from the clinic. He also knew she would probably have very little problem getting information out of Morgan if she wanted to.

"She mainly needs to rest and give herself time to get over it." Hotch assured him. It wasn't an out and out lie. She did need to rest, and she would get over it, eventually. "Good work yesterday guys. Is there anything left to tie up or are we cleared to leave?"

Garcia spoke for the first time, "All free and clear, sir."

He nodded thoughtfully, "Thanks, I'm going to go check on Prentiss and bring her and her bags down, will we all be ready to leave in fifteen?" He watched as they all nodded in response then turned on his heel and headed back up to the now familiar room he had shared with Emily for the last 24 hours. He wondered what his team thought of him. Had he, in their view, become the stereotypical boss who seduces female agents working alongside him? He hoped they knew him well enough to know that he had a huge mouth of respect for Emily Prentiss and would never deliberately treat her that way.

When he walked through the door of the room Emily looked up startled, she was on the phone and held out a finger in an effort to urge him to stay silent.

"OK, thank you, yes I'll be in to see you tomorrow." he heard her finish before she hung up the phone, "sorry." she said to him.

He raised his eyes at her in silent questioning.

"Strauss," she explained, "to ask about transfer."

He was surprised, "Already? You that sure you want to do this?"

She nodded emphatically, "And I need to sort it out before it becomes more obvious that I'm pregnant and people start asking questions. I don't want to jeopardise your position, or my ability to get a transfer, I need my feet under the table before I disclose I'm pregnant."

He nodded, "If there's anything you want me to do, just let me know. Where are you thinking of?"

She chewed her lip, "Counter terrorism. They always need translators and its safe, office based and in DC."

Hotch eased himself down next to her, examining her with his eyes, "Are you sure its enough for you? Won't you be bored?"

She shrugged, "There's still profiling involved and maybe a bit of boring is exactly what I need."

He placed a kiss on her forehead, "Maybe I'll just have to keep you amused at home then."


	12. Chapter 12

Fear of flying chapter 12.

This is turning into something much longer than I had originally thought. Thanks for sticking with me :) The problem with being a nurse and a mother is I know loads of things I can throw at this story to keep it going! Please excuse any glaring inaccuracies in the US medical system, being in the UK I'm used to the national health service which is totally different and now work for a charitably funded children's hospice which it very different again.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, no copyright infringement intended.**

The following morning Hotch rode the elevator up to the BAU and mentally braced himself for what was probably coming at him once he reached his destination. Questions that he didn't know how to field, answers he wasn't able to give and frankly situations he didn't really want to deal with at this moment. As he stepped out he saw three heads spin his way as soon as he was visible, all three of them glancing round him to ascertain whether or not Emily Prentiss was following in his wake. He assumed they had all managed to draw the correct conclusions by now if they were already associating his arrival with hers and looking to him to inform the of her welfare, something that had always been the other way around. He had often asked about her, subtly, to different people over the course of cases being careful not to show too much interest to any one person and also making his enquiries casual so that she would remain unaware. They was nothing subtle about his team's scrutiny this morning though.

"Where's Emily?" Morgan asked the second Hotch stepped through the doors.

He sighed and tried to address him without drawing in Reid and Rossi who were also standing by for information. "She had to be admitted, she'll be spending a couple of nights in hospital." he tried to sound unconcerned when if fact that was very far from the truth. She had managed the flight fine as predicted once mid-afternoon hit he could see her struggling. She'd tried to get a drink down at least but hadn't been able to keep it down longer than half an hour, by 5pm he had forced her into the car, taken her to the emergency room and forgone waiting for an appointment anywhere else. They had taken the information from them and taken her through straight away and started IV fluids and she had been on the OB floor within a couple of hours. He had stayed until around 9pm when she had fallen fast asleep despite the noise around them, leaving a note beside her that he would be back early in the morning and had gone home for the night. He had called in on his way up and she had still been sleeping and still hooked up to the IV's, the nurses told him they didn't expect her to come off them for a week.

Reid faced him, "What's wrong with her?"

Hotch pursed his lips, "I can't really talk about it right now Reid. She was supposed to be meeting with Strauss so I need to go let her know that thats not going ahead. Are you guy's alright here while I sort a few things out?"

The three men exchanged glances then gave curt nods and returned to the ever present paperwork mountain that littered their office. Hotch crossed the bullpen and rose up the steps to his office where he deposited his jacket and briefcase. He did not like being so secretive, especially when Emily could probably do with some support and a friendly face, but they both agreed that the less the rest of the team knew the better, it would put them in a less awkward position if everything hit the fan. He steeled himself for the confrontation he was about to have with Strauss. He was not looking forward to any contact with her, much less when he would rather be anywhere but here. He'd rather be checking on Emily, or at home with Jack as he had shamelessly neglected him the previous evening to make sure that Emily got the medical attention she so obviously needed.

Hotch was relieved to see that Strauss's assistant was not at her desk so he crossed straight to the door and knocked on it with more confidence than he felt. He waited for a response then entered.

"Agent Hotchner?" she said from behind her desk, "I'm a little busy right now, in fact I'm meeting with one of your team members, Agent Prentiss."

"Yes, I know, I came to let you know that she won't be coming."

Strauss raised her eyebrows, "You managed to talk her out of requesting a transfer already? Couldn't she tell me herself?"

Hotch couldn't quite keep the smug smile off his face as he slipped into the seat opposite her to deliver his next peace of news, "No, on both counts, ma'am. I have no objection to Agent Prentiss requesting a transfer if that's what she wants, though of course she will be a loss to the team. And she can't tell you herself because she's sick and had to be admitted to the hospital last night."

"What?" she exclaimed, "What's wrong with her?"

Hotch tried the fight the urge to shuffle in his seat, effectively squirming under the question, "I was under the impression that I was not under obligation to share confidential medical information about my subordinates." he answered stonily.

Strauss's eyebrows went up and Hotch regretted his response, it was like a red rag to a bull she was never going to give up now, he would be lucky if Strauss didn't personally call every DC hospital pretending to be Emily's mother until she found her, "As long as its nothing that would affect her ability to do her job, either here or once her transfer is effective." she replied nonchalantly.

"You can go ahead with that in her absence?" he asked.

"I can," she replied, "but I'd have to be sure she wants me to. I require more than a quick mid-morning phone-call to transfer an agent from an assignment they've been on for four years with little or no explanation."

He tried to remain nonchalant, "Thank you ma-am, I'll pass that onto Agent Prentiss when I call to enquire after her welfare this afternoon."

He left her office and released the breath he realised he had been holding, only to be faced with Reid and Rossi staring him down.

"Morgan told us what's going on Hotch, not that he needed to." Rossi told him.

Hotch felt his pulse rate jump, "Can we not talk about this here?" he asked.

Reid angled his gaze, "The conference room is free."

Hotch swallowed and nodded, feeling that he would prefer to return to Strauss's office and offer his confession of seducing a subordinate and then trying to transfer her out before her pregnancy was discovered.

Reid hated hospitals so he had no idea why he'd said he would go visit Emily. He wasn't overly keen on vomit either so again he asked himself why he had volunteered. His brain told him it was because Emily was a friend not just a colleague. In addition to those things his discomfort ramped up a level when we departed the elevator on the OB floor. It was filled with primarily hormonal women and secondarily babies. Two things guaranteed to make most grown men squirm. Taking a nurse's direction he sought Emily's room through a twisty turny maze of lilacs and pale pinks, quite honestly he couldn't see how they could hope to cure anyone of vomiting here, the environment made him nauseous and he was not a pregnant woman.

When he came across her Emily Prentiss looked nothing like he had expected. He'd fully imagined her perched on a bed in her work wear arguing with the medical staff while she threw up. In fact she was dressed in stripy pyjama bottoms and a cotton t-shirt, she lay on the bed on her left side facing away from the door, her right hand was laid across her abdomen and connected to a fluid IV. Her hair was loosely swept back, her arms bore the telltale marks of frequent blood draws, or at least frequent attempts and her skin was so pale he had trouble distinguishing her from the crisp white linen. Her left arm was home to a blood pressure cuff which he could see from glancing at the monitor above her bed was set to measure her blood pressure every fifteen minutes. The readings it had recorded recently were low, so low he wondered how she had ever walked up the stairs to their flight home yesterday. Rounding the bottom of the bed he saw her eyes were closed, though she did not look restful he assumed she was asleep and quietly eased himself down into the chair by her bed. After several minutes he heard the BP cuff on her arm begin to inflate and she started awake.

"Reid?" she said startled, her voice was hoarse and raw. He saw her look around and realise he was visiting her in the OB floor. Her mouth dropped open as she floundered for words of explanation or apology.

"Hi Emily." he smiled, "It's ok, Hotch filled us in."

She remained speechless, unable to add anything to Hotch's explanation, especially as she had no idea what it was.

"Looks like they've used you for a pincushion." he commented gesturing to her nearest bruised arm.

"It's not as bad as it looks."

Reid smiled, "I'm sure I've heard that somewhere before."

"What did Hotch tell you?" she whispered.

Reid pressed his lips together and leaned forward, "That this is his baby."

She nodded, "OK."

"Its none of my business, really. I just wanted to come say 'hi'."

"You aren't angry that I lied?" she swallowed heavily and he could see it pained her.

"No. We all have a right to privacy. You never lied to me because I didn't ask you any questions."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise and opened her mouth to reply but he unexpectedly silenced her with a raised finger.

"sssh, you have obviously got some trauma in your throat so rest it." he suggested.

From anyone else she would have been irritated but she let it slide and gave a slight nod of consent before settling her head back on the plasticy bed. She watched him glance around the room and could almost hear him mentally listing the equipment he could see and it's uses.

"No statistics?" she asked amused.

He tilted his head, "Sure lots but they're mostly meaningless."

"Why?" she asked surprised.

"Well the odds of falling pregnant at yo-," he stopped himself and cleared his throat then tried again, "at ages over thirty five reduce dramatically. But then you are more likely to fall pregnant from a single encounter than a regular intercourse in a relationship, just as a cheating wife is more likely to fall pregnant to her lover than her husband." he mused.

_Great, _she thought, _Hotch had shared the unplanned and one night aspect of their actions so far._

"And less than 2% of pregnant women experience hyperemesis gravidarium so really you've gone against all the statistics already, it seems pointless to compare anymore" he explained.

"Did Hotch talk to Strauss?"

Reid nodded in reply, "I don't know the outcome but he'll be by in our hour or so." Reid explained.

"Is everyone mad?"

Reid shook his head, "No. Garcia is mad that you guys managed to sneak under her radar but not at you. No one is going to say anything that would damage your position or Hotch's. But we are sad you feel like you have to transfer."

So clearly Hotch had told them all everything. "It's not a good way for a team to work having two people trying to maintain a relationship in the middle. But it's not just about that. I want to look after this baby properly and I can't do that out in the field and I can't ask the rest of the team to take the load for me like you did this week. We're already one down." she explained.

"Plenty of agents manage family and work Prentiss, JJ did."

"Her role was different and her... Well the father wasn't on the same team." she wasn't going to be talked out of it. She wondered how Reid could see her in this state and think that she had anything to contribute to the team in the near future. "I'm not leaving DC, or the bureau, I'm not moving away I just have to move on."

She watched his slow nod, but saw his face was unconvinced. She didn't have the energy to argue the ins and outs of the situation. She shifted uncomfortably trying to find a position that didn't pull the IV line or the cuff on her arm.

"You ok?" Reid asked in alarm.

She half smiled, "Yeah, just uncomfortable." she reassured him. As if on cue the cuff on her arm fires again and rolled her eyes at it.

"How long do you have to keep that on?" he asked.

"Until my systolic is above ninety for an hour, see I almost sounded like I knew what I was saying there."

"Low BP is common in early pregnancy, your pulse pressure is narrow because you're dehydrated. It means your circulation has trouble getting bloodflow to your brain and you suffer from postural hypotension." he reeled off.

"What?" was all she bothered to whisper in reply.

"You feel dizzy when you stand up." he clarified.

"I knew that." she muttered.

He nodded and held his silence. Really he was the last person who should be here. He had no experience with pregnant women other than JJ, maybe he should call her?

"Sorry," she said quietly, "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm glad you're here, just not feeling like myself."

"That's hardly surprising, there's the equivalent of a war going on in your body." he told her.

She blew air our between her lips, "That doesn't help Reid."

He kept his silence and waited for her irritation to dissipate. It was encouraging she still had the energy to be irritated with him.

"Lets play cards or something." he suggested.

"If I can do it without sitting up I'd love to."

An hour later Hotch arrived strolling purposefully through the door. He was pleased to see Emily interacting with Reid, when he had left early that morning she had been so nauseated she could barely speak. Giving a list of things she wanted from home had caused her to retch and gag and he had left her laying very still with her eyes pressed shut. Though she looked far from animated she managed a smile that did begin to touch her eyes and replaced some of the abject misery he'd seen there over the last twenty four hours as a result of the unrelenting sickness.

He dropped her bag at the foot of the bed temporarily and perched on the edge. He instinctively placed a hand on her thigh as he sat and he saw Reid try to ignore it and fail.

Reid cleared his throat, "Well, I'm going to head off. Call if I can do anything."

"Thanks Reid." Prentiss said, her voice still croaky. She shifted uncomfortably onto her back so she could face Hotch, "What's going on at work?"

"Nothing to worry about Emily. Strauss will go ahead with the transfer but she wants you to confirm it first." he told her. He watched her lay her head back and look up at the ceiling and shuffled up so that he was sitting beside her. "What's wrong?"

"How am I going to explain this?" she gestured at her stomach and the drips, "I can't lie."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." he told her firmly, "Let's get you out of here and healthy first."

He leaned forward intending to gently kiss her on the lips but her hand gently stopped him, "What's wrong?" he asked.

She shuffled uncomfortably, "I haven't showered, or brushed my teeth Hotch I'm a mess."

He ignored her protest and continued, releasing her from a lingering kiss he told her, "You look perfect to me."

She screwed up her face, "Are you trying to make me throw up?"

Hotch stroked her hand, unsure really what to do.

"This is weird huh?" she voiced his concerns, "We kind of skipped from one night to you fussing around me as if this pregnancy is something we tried for."

He met her gaze levelly, "I don't have cold feet if that's what you mean? The last couple of days have been ... intense... for both of us. It's cemented my feelings and commitment but it shows me that away from the BAU I don't know you so well and we don't know how to behave like a couple."

"Soooo how do we find out?"

He smiled warmly, "By doing what feels right."

Prentiss laughed lightly, "Isn't that how we got right here?"

He considered her response, "Is that so bad? We felt good and we went with that, we didn't stop and let our heads interfere. A lot of relationships have a much shakier start."

"Did you tell the team every detail Hotch? Reid seemed to know an awful lot." she asked.

He shook his head emphatically, "No, but I did clarify a few things. Reid and Garcia seemed to think we'd been together for years."

Her eyes widened in surprise, "And no one mentioned it? Garcia tried to set me up with all sorts of guys."

"Exactly, and you kept turning them down, confirming her suspicions. Reid thought that we had been seeing each other since Hayley left. In fact he thought that's why Hayley and I split."

"What?"

"When I requested a transfer and you resigned and we both ultimately returned to the unit he thought that was the reason." he told her, "Not that it really matters now. My point is the rest of the team don't have any issues with us being together, you don't have to transfer."

"We can't just lie and hide our relationship, what does that make this baby? A dirty secret?"

Hotch raised his hands in resignation, "OK, I'm sorry. I'm being selfish. I love working with you, I love knowing where you are and who you're with, maybe I didn't want to give that up."

She carefully leaned herself forward to bring herself closer to him, "But that's all we've had up to now, being together away from all that is much better and it's what we deserve."

"I'm just afraid it will come between us. You'll be here and I won't."

Prentiss chewed her lip anxiously before replying, "I'm not Hayley. You have to give us a shot without comparing."

Hotch's brow furrowed momentarily, "I know, I just feel like I'm asking you to give up a lot and you'll regret it."

"You haven't asked me to give up anything. Don't get ahead of yourself Hotch, transferring is for this baby, the fact that we can pursue a relationship is a bonus." she told him firmly but gently.

"Wow, guess you put me in my place." he smiled, rising to sit along her on the cramped bed, carefully sweeping her IV tubing and monitors out of the way.

He lay down behind her and folded himself around her, turning her arms over gently he examined the bruises and needle marks that marred her pale skin.

"I'm a mess huh?" she said turning her head toward him slightly.

"Just battle scars, Emily. The fight's worth it." he kissed her lightly on the forehead.

She settled back down on the pillow beside him, "Yeah it is."

Hotch placed his hand on her abdomen as he had the last time they'd curled up together, she felt he tension in his muscles.

"You're not going to hurt me." she assured him.

"It's not that." he told her.

"Then what it is?"

"I want to tell Jack about us." he said, he let her absorb his words for a moment then added, "As soon as possible, well now really, I want to bring him in to see you."

She turned to face him and studied his expression, "No, not here. He'll be frightened."

"You're going to be in here a week or so, he's going to wonder why I'm spending so much time here. If he knows he can come too and he won't feel shut out." he explained.

She regarded him with a furrowed brow, "OK, if that's what you want and you think he can handle it, then I guess we'll do it."

"Wow, we're going public." he smiled.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for your patience and Merry Christmas!

Fear of flying - chapter 13

**I own nothing, no infringement intended, no profit made :)**

Prentiss chewed her lip as she watched the door to her room. She felt ragged. After an entire night being woken every fifteen minutes by a blood pressure check she was beyond strung out. Lack of sleep she could deal with but constantly going over into sleep just to be woken was a particular form of torture, add to that the throbbing hand, plastic mattress and nagging nausea and she had not seen the morning in with the best of moods. First thing the nurse had come in and told her the medical staff wanted to try and fluid challenge as she had not been dry heaving overnight. She had obliged and failed the challenge by throwing up the cup of water before she'd even finished it. With a furrowed brow the nurse had told her she should keep sipping and they would start trying some anti-sickness drugs today. Since then she had declined to sip and had instead worried about the effect of the drugs on the baby as a method of distraction from thinking about Jack's visit this morning. They had decided to speak to him together so they both knew what his responses were, but that meant there was no copping out, they were both facing some of the music today. This morning.

She tried not to shoot at an irritated look at the nurse who was fussing around her.

"Are you in any pain?" she asked her, the first words she had spoken since entering.

"No, why?" Prentiss replied in confusion.

"Your heart rate and respiratory rate are up." she told her.

Prentiss picked at the bed covers guilt ridden, "Maybe I'm anxious. Something important is happening this morning."

The nurse raised her eyebrows at her but didn't comment any further, "The doctors round about ten and they'll decide which anti-emetics they want to try, hopefully we can get you feeling less sick."

"Thank you."

With a nod the nurse left the room and left Prentiss with her own thoughts for company. She eyed the glass of water but felt a wave of nausea just thinking about it so decided against it. She was long passed thinking that a glass of water would help settle her stomach. She breathed deeply as she waited for it to pass, knowing logically she could have absolutely nothing to actually throw up but fearing another round of dry heaving which left her aching and exhausted. She'd been released from her BP cuff prison in the early hours, but was still tethered by her IV line. It had switched to her left hand at some point in the night when the fluid had poured not into the vein but into the tissues of her hand. Having her dominant hand free had proven to be of little advantage so far as it was deeply bruised and swollen from the trauma. She dreaded Jacks reaction, to her current appearance and the news they were going to drop on him. She had considered calling Hotch and asking him to cancel on numerous occaisions overnight, but had thought better of it.

As she lay against the head of the bed she felt she had done all she could to make herself look like the Emily Jack knew. Although she didn't feel like it she had applied basic make up, after showering and dressing, those simple tasks left her exhausted and as she relaxed onto the pillow she felt sleep creeping over her like a blanket. The warmth of the room cocooning her, the gentle hum and click of the pump maintaining her hydration were her lullabies as she allowed her eyes to close and felt that familiar fog descend on her mind.

Quick slapping footsteps pierced the comfortable fog clouding her consciousness and she started awake. The motion of her own body made the sickness peak again and she pressed her fingers to her lips unsure whether she could prevent herself from gagging.

"Hey Em!" Jack's excited voice announced his arrival at the threshold of her room, "Oooh, Em, daddy's right you _do _look sick."

She saw Hotch roll his eyes at his son's blatant honesty as Jack produced a glittery and colourful rectangle from behind his back.

"I made you a card, cos daddy said flower smells make you feel sick, it has flowers on but it doesn't smell like them." he rambled as he climbed onto the chair by the bed without ceremony.

"Thank you Jack. That's really kind." she told him giving Hotch a reassuring smile as he took up a perch on the edge of her bed. She suddenly felt flushed and light headed as her heart slammed against the wall of her chest. She placed a hand lightly on her abdomen to remind herself of the reasons she should stay calm.

"Maybe you need some soup and crackers? Daddy always makes that for me when I throw up." Jack told her wisely.

"Emily has to stay here for a few days to get some medicines." Hotch told him.

Prentiss bit her lip as she locked eyes with Hotch wondering how to do this, should she wait for him to take the lead? Should she say something? She didn't have to wait long for an answer.

"Jack I brought you here because Emily and I have something we need to talk to you about." Hotch started.

Jack looked fearfully from one to the other, "Is something bad happening?" he whispered.

Emily shook her head emphatically and reached for Jacks hand, "No, Jack, not at all. Why would you think that?" she asked him gently.

"Cos when I saw daddy in hospital mommy and me had to take a trip." he told her.

Emily gestured for him to climb up onto the bed, he did so and curled up against her without hesitation. Instinctively she stroked his head as his body relaxed into hers.

"It's nothing like that Jack." Hotch reiterated.

"Then why are you both all crinkly and worried?" he asked.

"We were worried that you might be upset." Emily admitted.

"Why?"

Hotch cleared his throat, seeing his opportunity to step up and go public to his son. "Jack, Emily and I, we like each other very much."

He nodded, "I know, you all work together all the time."

"We like each other more than that Jack." Emily supplied.

"We love each other." Hotch told him.

"Like the love where you get married? Cos my friend James, his daddy got married like three times and he doesn't like Elle very much but he lives with his mom so it doesn't matter he only see her at Christmas." he told them earnestly.

"We haven't talked about getting married Jack, but we want to spend time together, with you and we wondered if that would be ok with you?" Emily supplied as Hotch appeared flustered over Jack's revelations about his classmates.

"Sure, I like you Emily, you can even kiss my daddy in front of me and I won't hold my breath, that's what James does. I think he is sometimes a naughty boy for his daddy." Jack considered the behaviour his friend reported.

"Yeah maybe we shouldn't talk about James too much," Hotch added, " I was hoping you wouldn't mind too much if when Emily gets out of here she comes to stay with us for a while? We can look after until she's properly better."

Jack nodded emphatically as Emily's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Yeah!" Jack said with enthusiasm, "Can we cuddle up and watch movies on the sofa? That's the best part about being sick."

"That sounds great to me." she replied.

"Why are you here anyway?" Jack asked her, "Daddy said you got sick lots of times." he crinkled his nose to show his disgust.

Hotch took his son's hand and met Emily's eye with a slight nod, "We wanted to talk to you about that too buddy. Emily's been getting sick because she's going to have a baby."

Jack's eye widened in surprise, "Wow!" he exclaimed, "You are growing a baby in your tummy _right now_? That's so cool."

"Thanks Jack, that's a nice thing to say." she told him.

"Jack, I'm that baby's daddy too, so that means you're going to have a baby brother or sister." Hotch dealt him the final piece of information and waited for his reaction.

"How long do I have to wait to meet them?" he asked excitedly, "James says it takes aaaaaages." he rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Yeah Jack is takes quite a few months." Emily told him, "What do you think about all of this? I know you're used to it being just you and your dad, and aunt Jessica, we want to make sure you're OK with everything that happens."

"I'm OK." he answered, "Daddy gets sad on his own, I would like it if he wasn't on his own a lot. Will the baby look like me?" he asked suddenly.

"I bet they will, just like you but probably with darker hair." she said fussing with his sandy coloured mop.

"What's that in your hand Em?" Jack asked her fingering it lightly, his fingers stopping short of a splash of dried blood on the dressing which stuck it on the back of her hand.

"It's giving me a special kind of water so I don't have to drink it, until I can stop being sick." she explained, pointing at the pump attached, "See the bag there, I get to have all that!"

Jack traced a line with his finger up her arm, Emily was aware it was probably the first time he had had as much physical contact with her but it didn't feel uncomfortable. He found a deep bruise on the inside of her arm and pressed it slightly, she saw Hotch tense to mind him and she caught his eye and gave him a subtle shake of the head. She could and would ask him to stop if it was necessary.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Jack asked, leaving his examination of her arm and tilting his head back to meet her eyes.

As she bent her head forward to meet his eyes her hair fell onto his face and she swept it away, "No, they used a needle to take a little bit of my blood. It doesn't hurt." she assured him.

"When are you coming to stay? Soon?" he asked.

Hotch interjected, "We have to make sure Emily's alright first."

"I can help look after you." Jack added enthusiastically.

"I bet you can, but I hope I won't need anyone to look after me and I can just rest without being nursed." She said, eying Hotch meaningfully.

Jack missed the double meaning and continued regardless, "My mommy used to say I was good at looking after people. That I made her feel better just by being with her sometimes."

"I'll bet you did sweetie." Emily told him as she hugged him closer. Whatever happened she was going to protect this child as well as her own from any further distress.

_Thanks a for reading and reviewing! I really wanted to write Jack bratty but just couldn't do it, it doesn't feel right. Having been a 'child from a previous relationship' myself I have never kicked off at the outset of a new relationship for either of my parents at any age, most kids suck it up and see what happens..._


	14. Chapter 14

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the festivities and don't have too much of a sore head.

Fear of flying chapter 14.

**I own nothing. No infringement intended no profit made.**

It had been eight days since Emily had been admitted to hospital and she was finally packing her bags to leave and stay with Hotch and Jack. She was about ready to go insane. The sleep deprivation, constant prodding, testing and disturbances, not to mention utter lack of privacy had proven harder to deal with than the persistent sickness and vomiting. She was hoping to pull herself out of her hyper-irritated state before Hotch and Jack came to collect her as she had no desire to take out her foul mood on them. She'd considered sneaking away to have a couple of nights in her own apartment to level herself out, since she'd found out about the pregnancy she could hardly remember being alone. She knew that was by design, Hotch and the team had wanted to show her support and she was very grateful for it but it had been a rude lesson in sharing for someone who prided herself on being independent and private. Despite her longing for some 'alone time' intellectually she knew she really didn't want it. She couldn't think of anything nicer than spending a couple of relaxing days tucked away with Hotch and Jack pretending they didn't have anything else to sort out. She had called Strauss to confirm that she wanted to request reassignment but was unable to meet her at moment due to her medical incarceration. Strauss had blustered about procedure but in the end had conceded to the request and had actually been rather accommodating. She hadn't demanded answers about her hospitalisation and in fact had suggested that Prentiss take some of the large number of vacation days she, and the entire team, had accumulated and never taken rather than have a period of sickness on her record prior to transferring. So, she had two weeks off clear to get established on the sickness medicines and find her feet in her relationship with Hotch, and Jack. Strauss had also ensured the team was on stand down for two weeks being two members down. Prentiss has chewed over that particular detail for hours, worrying that Strauss knew about their relationship, but in the end had decided worrying would not change it and she should accept the gift of time off with Hotch.

Still clad in comfortable clothes she gingerly stepped around the room the collect up the last of her belongings. She'd learned that control of hyperemesis gravidarium was very hit and miss and she shouldn't expect to be free from sickness, perhaps at all during the pregnancy. The goal of her treatment was to reduce it to a tolerable level with the minimum of intervention. She'd spent time with a nurse identifying factors which triggered an increase in her nausea, so far she'd isolated, motion (hers or in cars planes, etc), drinking more than a few sips, dairy, strong smells, anxiety, tiredness. So pretty much everything she reasoned, which was why she picked her way around the room carefully, although her blood pressure was now acceptably high she was still used to spending more time laying or sitting down. She no longer felt dizzy but still felt rather weak and pathetic and irritated with herself for feeling this way. After haphazardly throwing everything she needed onto the bed she sat down beside it to fold it neatly as she usually would, she didn't feel the need to waste energy by standing up when she could conserve it by doing what she needed sitting down. She felt more comfortable sitting on the bed, it was a relative thing though she had learned this week. No matter what combination of drugs she'd been on during her eight day stay the nausea had never gone away but it had subsided enough for her to force herself to drink almost enough and force the occasional bit of food down. Mentally she called it 'background nausea' she knew she could handle it enough to do most things, but it was always there. She still threw up at least once everyday, but she was no longer spending half her day doubled over as soon as food or water passed her lips. Hotch hadn't argued when she said she wanted to be discharged and she could manage well enough at the moment. She'd been warned she would likely become tolerant to the meds and need readmission at some point. Prentiss remained determined that wouldn't happen. If she could get by on the minimum now she could increase if and when she needed to.

Once she'd finished she remained sitting on the bed waiting for Hotch to come pick her up. She couldn't stop herself from fidgeting and drumming her fingers on the bed in impatience and anxiety. She was basically going to be playing house with Hotch and Jack and she had no idea really what that meant. They had spent a maximum of 3 days actually together as couple, and all 3 of them had been in isolation from the rest of the world. What was going to happen when they had to function as a couple with real situations to face? A school run to do? A complicated pregnancy to worry about? They certainly had passed the honeymoon phase before it should even have started.

Suddenly Hotch was in her line of view and she started slightly, trying to paint a smile on her face.

"Stop it." he whispered. "What?" she whispered back.

"Stop. Worrying. About. Things. You. Cannot. Control." he told her, each word punctuated by a light kiss to a different area of her face and ending his sentence on her lips.

She smiled in spite of herself, "Thank you." she whispered, focusing her view passed Hotch's face her gaze landed on the smiling face of Jack perched on the bottom of the bed. "Hey Jack." she said with a bright smile.

"Hey Em, you coming to stay with us now?" he asked springing into her lap. "Yeah," she said brightly, "Do you have some cool DVDs lined up for us?"

Jack frowned slightly at his father, "Dad said not to choose too many cos you might wanna sleep."

Emily smiled at him, "Well I've done lots of sleeping, so I'm ready to enjoy some DVDs with you. I'm all packed, shall we go?" she directed her last sentence to Hotch who was hovering around like an anxious fly on the wall.

"Do you have you discharge papers? Meds? Emergency contact stuff?" he asked.

She nodded slowly in reply and slipped out from underneath Jack to place him softly on the bed, a move which made Hotch's brow furrow in concern at her bearing some of his weight. Seeing a protest or warning form on his lips she placed a finger over then to silence him.

"Let's make a deal? You promise not to stress me out asking if I'm nauseous, tired, medicated or doing too much every five seconds and I promise I will tell you if I have any concerns or feel any worse, OK?" she suggested, "It's too exhausting for us both. I'll give

you my baseline before we go. I can manage a few sips of water at a time, a few bites of something plain, the nausea is still there and I still throw up a couple of times a day. That's the way it's going to be for a while so it's best if I, we, stop worrying about it and fighting it and just live around it."

He nodded in response and looked around her to meet Jack's eye, "See she's normal boss daddy around Emily already."

Emily gave him a playful shove then gestured to her bags, "Come on then, you can be a gentleman and Jack and I will watch."

Jack eagerly jumped off the bed and grabbed her hand, Emily saw Hotch shoot him a warning glance and mouth _careful _at him, she let it go as Hotch slipped out of the room ahead of them.

She was grateful that Jack walked at his usual toddler-type pace which he used to examine every blade of grass when they were outdoors. In here he scrutinised every bit of equipment, switch and person they came across, but he maintained his tight grip on her hand through out. Approaching the elevators he gestured to the corridors beyond the electrically secured doors which were on the opposite side of the floor to where Emily had served her time, "What's in there?" he asked.

Emily ducked her head to get a view through the windows, "That's where you go to have your baby and where you visit the new babies before they come home."

"Why is it locked up?" he asked as they boarded the elevator down to the parking garage.

Emily paused and grabbed the handrail as her stomach lurched with the sudden motion, once she was confident she could speak again she told him, "To keep the babies safe."

Jack nodded wisely, "Our baby won't need that, cos you and daddy keep everyone safe from the bad guys."

_Our baby, _Hotch mouthed at her with a smile as the doors slid open at their floor.

The main entrance to the hospital was full of people and noise and bustle. Emily was suddenly aware of feeling very exposed in comparison to the nice cosseted room she had spent upwards of a week living in. The change in activity level was dizzying and she gripped Jacks hand tighter than she intended drawing a concerned look from the youngster, she pushed her lips together into what she hoped passed for a reassuring smile.

When they finally passed through the automatic doors with their pronounced 'swish' the fresh air was a refreshing and welcome sensation on Emily's skin. She felt as though she had been festering for a week, slowly being cooked in an oversize sauna. Hotch motioned to her the direction of the car, noticing the extending distance between them he slowed his pace. Emily knew he'd noticed her slower pace and how deliberate her movements were and normally would have been embarrassed and caught him up but she knew he didn't want her to do that and for once she was happy for him to downshift and meet her level.

Emily watched him unlock the car and throw her bags into the trunk, as she stood watching he smiled as he gently led Jack from her hand and the to back seat of the car to strap him in securely.

"Jump in," he told her, "It's unlocked."

She folded herself into the passenger side and waited for Hotch to join her. She caught Jack's eyes in his reflection and gave him a cheeky smile as he stuck out his tongue. As Hotch took his seat he caught sight of his son's attempt at humour and rolled his eyes.

"OK?" he asked Emily. She nodded, "Mind if I open the window a little?" "Whatever you need." he told her.

They made the drive home in near silence, breaking it only to chat about traffic, the weather and what Jack was doing in class. Hotch continued to throw not so clandestine glances at Emily to ensure she was managing the journey. She remained pale and quiet but looked to have more energy than she he'd seen her exhibit so far in the past week.

Hotch was aware that Emily hung back and hesitated when they reached the house, he carried Jack inside over his shoulder enjoying his sons laughter then deposited his son just inside the front door and returned for Emily. She was just closing the car door and pulling herself up straight when he turned to face her. She squinted at him, unused to the bright natural light.

"Do you need carrying too?" he joked as he grabbed her hospital bags from the trunk together with another bag.

She smiled and gave him a questioning look at the additional bag.

"I hope you don't mind I went to your place. I figured you'd need some extra stuff, or want something that doesn't smell of hospital. Plus its neat payback from my stay in hospital, you got to go through my whole apartment."

"I don't mind. Thanks I appreciate it." she told him.

He slipped his arm around her waist to guide her to the doorway where Jack stood waiting for them with a barely disguised grin in his face. The child looked as though he may burst with excitement. He hopped from one foot to the other unable to stand still.

"Em, can I show you my room? And all the DVDs I chose? I picked out some blankets and cushions to go on the sofa too. You and daddy can sit there I like the bean bag for movies." he told her, all in one breath.

She stepped inside the door and told him, "Sure, sounds good." as she removed her shoes and placed them alongside Jacks.

"You go ahead and get the DVDs out Jack, I'll get the other stuff sorted out." he told him, though it was unnecessary as he spoke to the toddlers back as his excitedly peeled away toward his room.

"Other stuff?" she asked slightly alarmed and half expecting a bunch of baby stuff in boxes to be waiting for her inspection.

He took her hand and led her toward to the kitchen, "I spoke to the nurses to see what you might like, so we have.." he opened the refrigerator with a dramatic gesture, "Just about every variety of soda, in both diet and regular, fresh vegetables which can be steamed or whatever, fruit of all shapes and sizes. And over here..." he slid them both across to the nearest cupboard, "we have crackers, bread, plain potato chips all that sort of boring stuff that you can just have a few bites of. Also mints, ginger lollipops and ginger biscuits"

She stood open mouthed at his efforts, she had no idea where he had found the time to do any of this, he'd spent most days in the hospital with her in-between running Jack to and from school and overseeing what was happening at the BAU.

"I know flowers are the traditional welcome home gifts." he shrugged. "Thank you." she muttered unable to form anything more salient.

"I know that you'd generally like to crawl away and hide in your apartment when you're ... not yourself, so I appreciate you allowing me to be here even if you don't let me do anything other than stock the cupboards." he told her, "But if you want to go back to your apartment for some space anytime, please just say. I won't be upset."

He led her to the sofa and gently urged her to sit down.

"I really don't know what to say. This is just about the most thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me."

"wow," he said with raised eyebrows, "The bar is set pretty low then, I can certainly use that." he grinned.

"Being here is not a concession on my part, I'm here because I want to be with you and Jack. I hope that's why you asked me to stay too." she asserted.

"Of course, Emily I wouldn't change my son's life out of a misplaced sense of duty. I could have done the right thing by this baby without being in a relationship with you. But I want this, maybe the baby has brought us together faster, maybe it was the kick I needed.". He let her digest his words for a moment, "plus, I'm not done yet. Come with me."

He led her gently by the hand to the bedroom. As they entered she could see he had bought new, less single-guy bedding, added a v-shaped pillow to 'her' side of the bed and there were freshly laundered towels sitting at the bottom of the bed like a hotel. He led her further in to the bathroom where he flicked on the light. Inside was a new bottle of mouthwash, toothbrush and several types of toothpaste as well as bubble bath and shower gel with matching hair shampoo all lined up.

"After dinner, well after Jack and I have dinner and he goes to bed I'm going to draw you a bath to wash that hospital off you, then massage some lotion into your arms and legs because I there are warnings about everywhere else when you're pregnant. If you want, unless you just want to crash out. Because that's fine too." he stopped himself realising he was babbling, not something he generally did but Emily seemed to have a particular talent at leaving him speechless or eliciting verbal diarrhoea from him.

She sat slowly on the she of the bed and Hotch held his breath, wondering if he was about to get a serve for going overboard, or going to her apartment and choosing clothes, or talking to the nursing staff behind her back. When she raised her face to him he saw she had tears in her eyes, "You're amazing, do you know that? I am very fortunate to have you." she whispered.

He sat beside her and leaned her into him, "No I'm not at all. I have had feelings for you for a long time Emily and you're one of the most stubborn and independent people I know so I had to take my chance to show you how I feel about you. Before the rest of the world gets in the way."

"What am I supposed to do for you though? You have me at a disadvantage."

"You are supposed to enjoy being off your feet, tolerate as many animated movies with my son as you can, let me do what I can and maybe even get a little fat."

She smiled, "Only if I get to borrow one of your t-shirts to lay around in."

"Deal." he agreed, catching sight of Jack dragging blankets toward them he called, "Hey buddy where are you setting up?"

He entered the bedroom without hesitation dropping his armfuls on the floor and drawing a slight wince from Hotch.

"Dunno, there's a TV in here though." "I'm going to cook dinner so it's up to Emily."

She pursed he lips in consideration, "I don't think I'm up for cooking smells," she admitted, "is here OK with you Jack?"

"Yeah!" he shouted diving onto the bed.

Emily retrieved the pile of blankets and DVDs as Hotch squeezed her arm lightly on the way passed to cook dinner, he heard his son assure Emily that the bathroom was 'right there if you need to go throw up'.


	15. Chapter 15

Sorry for the delay. What can I say? Real life is a hard task-master, as is a 2 yr old who doesn't sleep past 3am.

Fear of flying - chapter 15

**I don't own anything, no infringement intended, no profits made.**

When Hotch returned he had half expected to find them both asleep but instead he found them propped up together. Emily was cushioned against the head board sitting with her legs crossed like a school girl. Jack sat on her lap, he had hold of her arms and held them wrapped tightly around himself as he intermittently pushed his face down so only a slither of his eyes were showing.

"Hey guys." Hotch greeted them, staying in the doorway.

"Hey," Emily smiled while Jack gave him a small cursory glance, "toy story three." she explained.

"The conveyor belt scene?" he smiled and watched Emily nod her reply, "Aunt Jessica forwards through this part, but we prefer to tough it out, because we know it's going to work out, isn't that right bud?"

Jack gave his father a quick nod the resumed viewing from behind Emily's arms.

Hotch rounded the bed then eased himself down beside them. "Dinner is pasta with bacon and tomato if you want some it'll be ready in fifteen."

She turned her nose up without thinking, "Sorry, I mean it sounds great but i'm going to try a soda and see how I feel after that."

He nodded as he settled next to them, "It's OK I'm not offended. Jacks not so keen on my pasta either, but he doesn't get a choice."

He tentatively rested his hand on her arm, she moved a hand to gently interlace their fingers and leaned her head onto his shoulder. He smiled to himself, he felt cosy, settled and could easily have fallen asleep with them by his side. As the danger on screen abated Jack's posture relaxed and he sunk back into Emily, allowing her arms to hold him gently, no longer using her as a shield from what he was seeing. Hotch was pleased that he made no move to leave Emily after he entered the room, it seemed so far the only teething problems they had with Jack was crow-barring him off Emily to give her some space. He felt peaceful, but knew part of it was living in the bubble of isolation that came with them all being home for a weekend off together. He hoped they could lay enough grounding to keep them on track through the days and weeks ahead. He knew that trouble was heading their direction from on high once word of Emily's pregnancy got out and that probably Emily faced a tougher time than him. Trust would be in short supply for someone transferring in away from a boss they slept with. She was going to have to work incredibly hard to establish herself in the relatively short time before the baby was due to arrive.

As the end credits rolled up he heard the alarm sounding in the kitchen to tell him dinner was cooked.

"Great timing, go wash up Jack." he instructed his son as both men reluctantly pulled themselves away from the warm presence between them. "I'll bring you a cold soda in, any preference?"

"Coke?"

He nodded and waited for Jack to finish in the bathroom before guiding him out.

"Thanks Jack, that was a good film choice." she told him.

"It's my favourite, we can watch the others tomorrow." he motioned to the extensive pile he had left stack by the television.

Hotch rolled his eyes and mouthed '_sorry'_ at her as they left her alone in the bedroom.

While Hotch and Jack ate dinner Emily sipped at the coke and used it to wash down one of her anti-sickness tablets. They had told her she'd probably feel worse tonight than she had for a couple of days because she would be doing more and they were right. Half way through the can of coke she had to discard it and lie back on the bed, but remaining propped up because she couldn't tolerate being flat. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly. She would NOT throw up, she would lie motionless all night but she wasn't going to throw up right now.

She heard soft foot fall approaching the door and opened her eyes slightly to see who it was. She was relieved to see Hotch poking his head through the door frame. She gave him a quick wan smile.

"OK?" he whispered.

"mmmmmmm-hmm." she replied.

"I'm going to take Jack across to the park for half an hour, he needs to be outdoors to burn some energy off. Do you want the window open a little?"

"Thanks, yeah." she whispered without moving.

After he popped the window he placed her cell phone in her hand, "Call if you need anything." he told her.

She listened to Jacks disjointed happy chatter as he put on his shoes and heard them lock the door. She allowed her eyes to close again and was not surprised when darkness enveloped her senses entirely.

The next thing she was aware of was loud breathing near her and the feeling of an intense stare on her. Her eyes sprung open to see Jack inches from her face. He lit up in a smile when she focused on him and she returned the expression finding it charming and infectious.

"Hey." he whispered.

"Hey," she whispered back, "Did you have fun at the park?"

He nodded "I'm going to bed now. Daddy told me not to come in but I wanted to say goodnight. Night Em, sleep tight." he beamed as he leaned and hugged her tightly.

She smiled into the crook of his neck and inhaled his clean scent deeply, "Night Jack. See you in the morning."

As they released each other she saw Hotch standing at the door with his brow furrowed, Jacks face creased in guilt when he saw him there.

"Sorry." he intoned as he slunk passed him to head for his own bedroom. She saw Hotch raise his eyebrow in a mix of amusement and annoyance as he followed Jack through to his bedroom. She listened as he read a bedtime story, and smiled a little at his fairy take voices floating across the hall to her ears. She imagined he would be less enthusiastic of he knew she could hear.

Daring to prop herself up she took a sip if now flat and warm soda and found it not so bad, reaching across she checked her cell. She saw she'd missed several texts from Garcia, a couple of dirty jokes and the last a message to say she hoped Hotch was taking care of them both or she'd ruin his credit file. She smiled to herself and passed her phone to Hotch to share when he eased down next to her.

He read with a raised eyebrow and a wry smile, "You have some scary friends, it's a good job I love you."

Emily's reply died on her lips when her brain absorbed his words, "What?"

Hotch shifted uncomfortably, "That wasn't how I wanted to say that the first time."

"It doesn't matter how you say it, it just matter that you did." she smiled, as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, "I love you too." she whispered.


End file.
